Saturday’s smiles

ARE YOU A CHOCOHOLIC?

Lots of people say they are, but how can you be sure?

A chocolatologist has developed a fool-proof test that separates the true chocoholics from the wannabes… Just check your answers to the following questions (be honest), and add up your score.

(Note to cheaters: Want to increase your score? Nibble on some chocolate as you take this test. That way, you can’t help but pick the right answers.)

1. Why do you eat chocolate?

a. It’s a nice snack now and then.

b. It’s a good way to indulge myself in sensual pleasures.

c. It’s the fifth major food group, are you kidding?

d. It’s my reason for living.

2. How much chocolate do you consume every day?

a. Less than two pieces (chocolate deficiency).

b. Three or four pieces (chocolate fix).

c. Five pieces (heavy user).

d. Six pieces or more (chocoholic material).

 

3. When is your favorite time to eat chocolate?

a. After a good meal.

b. Between meals.

c. As meals.

d. All of the above. 

 

4. With whom do you share your chocolate?

a. Friends, family, co-workers, or whoever is around.

b. Close friends and family only.

c. Only with loved ones, and only if they’ve been good.

d. Share my chocolate? Are you kidding?

 

5. What is your favorite way to consume chocolate?

a. By nibbling a bit now and then throughout the day.

b. By swallowing whole chunks at a time.

c. By intravenous injection.

d. I dive into a 100 gallon vat and slurp.

 

Give yourself one point for every “a.” answer, two points for every “b.” answer, three points for every “c.” answer, and four points for every “d.” answer. Add them up and compare your score with the definitions below.

 

5 – 8

Novice Chocoholic

You’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Start with a daily intake of chocolate.

 

9 – 12

Chocoholic Tendencies

You’ve got the makings of a chocoholic, all right. You just need a little nurturing. Prescription: Increase daily dosage of chocolate.

 

13 – 16

Closet Chocoholic

All you need is a little push to get you to come out into the open. Some chocolate just might do the trick.

 

17 – 20

A True Chocoholic

As a matter of fact, you’re looking a little peaky and your hands are starting to shake. Must be time for a fix! Have some chocolate right away!

Dear Father Christmas # 1

Dear Father Christmas,

As a woman of modest tastes I haven’t asked you for very much in recent Christmases because you gave me a power tool nine years ago and I’ve been very happy playing with it.

But now it’s worn out and I’m at a bit of a loose end so wonder if I could have another one, perferably one with an international component. (Although that can be our little secret because if the Greens find out they’ll be upset I’m not taking any notice of the advertisements I agreed to spend millions on telling everyone to buy Kiwi-made).

Yours sincerely

Helen

Arrogance

Arrogant a: Overbearing; presumptuous; haughty; hence arrogance.

Ignorant a: Lacking knowledge; behaving in uncouth manner through lack of knowledge.

Some people can be guilty of both arrogance and ignorance:

Dr Cullen, who signed to having “responsibility for overall integrity of the disclosures”, refused to comment yesterday when asked why the ACC shortfall was not included in the Prefu as a “specific fiscal risk”.

“I’m the Treaty negotiations spokesman,” Dr Cullen said.

“I have no intention of re-engaging in those areas.”

An oath in any other language

The complaint by Labour’s new Managere MP Sua William Sio  because he can’t be sworn into parliament in Samoan had the talk back callers running hot yesterday.

I agree that Parliamentary Services is not being unreasonable. New Zealand has three official languages, English, Maori and sign, MPs are sworn in three at a time and it would take too much time if other languages were used.

Most callers used this argument but there was a distrubing number who were simply racist and used this story to exercise their prejudice.

However, there was a glimmer of hope. Most noted that Maori is an official language and it would be acceptable to use it and I suspect that level of acceptance wouldn’t have been evident a few years ago.

Key firm on 100 day programme

John Key told the ODT he’s determined to implement the 100 day programme  the National party campaigned on.

That includes the tax package, RMA reform, literacy and numeracy standards in education and he also wants more accountability in health:

The Ministry of Health and district health boards would be instructed to halt the growth in health bureaucracy and open their books on the true state of hospital waiting lists and the crisis in services.

The opening of books won’t be pretty if yesterday’s story from the Otago District Health Board is anything to go on. It’s facing a $13 million deficit.

Labour’s baggage