Dear Father Christmas #7

Dear Father Christmas

It’s the same old order from me again: higher prices, lower costs, better weather, bigger cheques, smaller bills, less book work, a high exchange rate when we’re buying and a low one when we’re selling.

Then it would be great to have machines that go when you need them to, dogs that do what you want them to, fences that keep stock where thy ought to be and gates that swing to let you go where you have to be.

And if it’s not asking too much I’d also really like a bank manager who’s there when you need one and stays away when you don’t.

Yours with more hope than expectation,

A. Farmer.

Summer recipe #3

 

Retail Ratatouille

Take an assortment of shoppers in various stages of indecision and stir in cash, cheques or credit cards to taste.

Add self restraint or over indulgence as budget dictates.

Mix with patience and judgement then set aside until ready to purchase.

Place retailers in a separate bowl with plenty of stock.

Season with tolerance and good humour.

Pour in ready mixed shoppers are irregular intervals and stir over moderate heat, taking care that mixutre does not boil over as temperature increases.

Six days before Christmas

Twelve days before Christmas my farmer said to me, “If the wind keeps up the lucerne should be fit by mid-afternoon so we’ll start making hay and there could be a few extra men for tea. But if there’s time when we finish I’ll get the Christmas tree.”

 

Eleven days before Christmas my farmer said to me, “I’m going through to a sale in Central. I should be back in time for the school concert and if I’m early I’ll get the Christmas tree.”

 

Ten days before Christmas my farmer said to me, “When you go into town this morning could you see if the spare part for the tractor has turned up yet, pick up some drench, drop a few cheques into the bank then pay these bills, there’s only two or three. While you’re doing that I’ll get the Christmas tree”

 

Nine days before Christmas my farmer said to me, “We’ll be shearing today, one of the men will be in the shed so he’ll want lunch early, the other should be in at the usual time and I probably won’t be in ‘til after one. But if we get the irrigator fixed this afternoon there might be time to get the Christmas tree.”

 

Eight days before Christmas my farmer said to me, “One of the rousies didn’t turn up so I’ve had to get another at short notice. Would you mind giving her lunch and could you throw something together for her morning and afternoon tea? If there’s no problems getting the sheep in I should have time to get the Christmas tree”

 

Seven days before Christmas my farmer said to me, “The farm advisor’s coming for a look round this morning and I’ll be working with cattle all afternoon, but if the phone’s quiet after dinner I’ll go and get the Christmas tree.”

 

Six days before Christmas my farmer said to me, “I’m going to the sale this morning and it’ll take most of the afternoon to draft the lambs. But they shouldn’t need dagging so when we’ve loaded the truck I’ll have time to get the Christmas tree.”