I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?
♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
♦ I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
♦ A recent study has found that woman who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
♦ I think my neighbour is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
♦ Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.
♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
♦ I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!