Saturday’s smiles

January 12, 2019

Two young hunters were out in the bush by themselves for the first time and decided to separate to increases their chances of finding a deer.

“What if we get lost?” one of them said.

“Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour” said the other. “I saw it on TV.”

After a few hours in the bush, one of the hunters realised he was lost. He waited til the hour and fired three shots into the air and continued doing this every 60 minutes.

Meanwhile, the other hunter realised his friend was lost, couldn’t hear any shots and walked out to contact search and rescue.

It took until next day to find the lost hunter. When they got to him, his friend said, Why didn’t you do what I said?”

“I did,” his mate replied.  “I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, but then I ran out of arrows.”


Saturday’s smiles

January 5, 2019

The US  Air Force has an ultra-high- security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?”

Late one afternoon, the Air Force staff out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot’s story was that he took off from Los Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They fueled up his plane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Los Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, security surrounded the plane…this time there were two people in it.

The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night.”


Saturday’s smiles

December 29, 2018

 

 


Saturday’s smiles

December 22, 2018

 

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Saturday’s smiles

December 15, 2018

A shepherd was relaxing after a long day, sitting on the grass, chewing on a straw, watching his sheep grazing quietly under the last rays of the setting sun.

A jeep roared up, leaving behind clouds of dust and stopped before him. A man clad in an expensive suit and shiny leather shoes with a camera on his hands got out.

The man started snapping pictures of the surrounding area and, once he’d finished, looked at the shepherd and asked, “Is this your land?”

“Aye…” responded the shepherd.

A look of glee formed in the man’s eyes as he asked, “And are those your sheep?”

“Aye…” says the shepherd.

“Would you sell some of your land?” the man asked.

The shepherd looked up, studying the man with a cautious look, before searching and asked “And why would I do that?”

“So you can make some money, and buy more sheep,” explained the man with a smirk.

“And why would I buy more sheep?” asked the shepherd.

“So you can sell their wool, and make more money.”

“And why would I do that?” asked the shepherd.

“So you can buy even more sheep, and sell even more wool.”

“And why would I do that?” asked the shepherd.

“So, at some point, you can build a factory and fill it with looms.”

“And why would I do that?” asked the shepherd.

“So you can make your wool into clothes, instead of selling it, and make even more money.”

The shepherd looked at his sheep for a second, spitting out the chewed straw, and asked, “And why would I do that?”

“So you can buy more and more sheep, sell more and more clothes, and make more and more money,” said the man, rubbing his hands.

“And why would I do that?” asked the shepherd.

“So you can be rich!”

“And why would I want that?” asked the shepherd.

“So you can build yourself a mansion. Right here!” said the man, tapping the ground with his foot.

“And why would I do that?” asked the shepherd.

“So you can have a big bedroom. On the top floor! With big windows! And a big balcony!”

“And why would I do that?” asked the shepherd.

“So you can sit back, look over your sheep, enjoy the sunset… Enjoy life!” said the man, practically jumping up and down with excitement.

“Aye… And what do you think I was doing before you arrived?”

 


Farm Joke Friday

December 14, 2018


Saturday’s smiles

December 8, 2018

A mathematician, an engineer, and a computer scientist were travelling together.

They were enjoying a drive in the countryside, when suddenly the engine spluttered and stopped.

The mathematician said, We came past a gas station a few minutes ago. One of us could go back and ask for help.”

The engineer said,  “I could have a look at the engine. I might be able to fix it.

The computer scientist thought for a moment then said, “Why don’t we just open the doors, slam them shut, and see if everything works again?”


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