Saturday’s smiles

April 25, 2015

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One afternoon the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?”

The tower responded, “Who is calling?”

The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?”

The tower replied “It makes a lot of difference.

If it is an civilian flight, it is 3 o’clock.

If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.

If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.

If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.

If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to “Happy Hour.”

 

*    *   *

A  pompous, new colonel had recently arrived at his new office when a soldier knocked on the door.

Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone,  gave the soldier permission to enter then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.”

Satisfied that he had impressed the young soldier sufficiently, he asked, “What do you want?”

“Nothing important, sir,” the airman replied, “I’m just here to hook up your telephone.”


Scottish Country Dog Dancing

April 22, 2015

I can’t get the clip to embed but if you like dogs and Scottish country dancing, Mary Ray, Richard Curtis and Levy at Crufts are a must-watch.

 


Saturday’s smiles

April 18, 2015

“What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?”

soymilk

(Soy means I am in Spanish, as in soy Ele means I am Ele).

Hat tip – Huffington Post where you’ll find nine more food jokes.


Saturday’s smiles

April 11, 2015

Ode to the Spell Checker

Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea

It plainly Marks four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a quay and type a word

And weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long

And eye kin put the ear a rite

Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it

I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter perfect awl the weigh

My checker tolled me sew.


Saturday’s smiles

April 4, 2015

A primary school teacher collected some well known proverbs, gave her pupils the first half and asked them to finish them.

Their answers:

It’s always darkest before……… daylight saving ends.

The squeaky wheel . . . .  needs oil.

You can lead a horse to water but …..how?

Don’t bite the hand that…..looks dirty.

Don’t judge a book . . . . by the movie.

A penny saved is…….not much.

A stich in time . . .  keeps your seam from bursting.

Children should be seen and not….. smacked or grounded.

Too many cooks . . . . need a bigger kitchen.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and…….you have to blow your nose.


Every TV news report on the economy

April 1, 2015


Saturday’s smiles

March 28, 2015

An explanation of Cricket:

  • You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.
  • Each man that’s in the side that’s in the field goes out and when he’s out comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out.
  • When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and stays until he goes out and then he goes in.
  • When all the ones who were in have been out and all but one is out and the side is all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
  • Sometimes men who are out are still in at the end of the innings, after all players have had an outing, and therefore not out.
  • Two men, who aren’t usually in either team, are called umpires. They stay out all the time, and they decide when the men who are in are out.
  • Depending on the weather and the light, the umpires can also send everybody in, no matter whether they’re in or out.
  • When both sides have been in and all the men are out (including those who are not out), then the game is finished.

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