Saturday’s smiles

February 28, 2015

Social Media explained:

 

Twitter                       I’m eating a #donut

 

Facebook:                 I like Donuts and here’s an inspirational quote about them.

 

Four Square:            This is where I eat donuts

 

Instagram:                here’s a vintage photo of my donut

 

YouTube:                   Here I am eating a donut

 

LinkedIn:                   skills include donut eating

 

Pinterest:                  Here’s a donut recipe

 

LastFM:                     Now listening to “Donuts”

 

Google+                     I’m a Google employee who eats donuts

 

Apropos of which:


Saturday’s smiles

February 21, 2015

A devout farm worker lost his favourite Bible while he was mending fences way out in the back country.

A couple of weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.

The worker wasn’t sure if he should believe what he was seeing.

He, reached out tentatively, took the precious book out of the sheep’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the sheep. “Your name is written inside the cover.”


Saturday’s smiles

February 14, 2015

A very shy young man was in a pub with friends on Valentine’s Day night and spotted a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar.

After an hour of encouragement from his mates he finally went over to her and said tentatively, “Would you mind if I brought you a drink?”

She responded by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”

Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the bloke was terribly  embarrassed and he slunk back to his table red-faced.

After a few minutes, the woman walked over to him, smiled and said, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

At this the man responds, at full volume, “What do you mean? $500?”


Tortoise and hare

February 10, 2015


Saturday’s smiles

February 7, 2015

AN OLD FARMER’S ADVICE:

  1. Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
  2.  Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
  3. Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.
  4. A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
  5. Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
  6. Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
  7. Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
  8. Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
  9. It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
  10. You cannot unsay a cruel word.
  11. Every path has a few puddles.
  12. When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
  13. The best sermons are lived, not preached.
  14. Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
  15. Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
  16. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  17.  Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
  18. Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.
  19. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
  20. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
  21. Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
  22. The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
  23. Always drink upstream from the herd.
  24. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
  25. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
  26. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
  27. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Hat tip: Farms.com


Farmer Nice

February 3, 2015


Cat herding

February 2, 2015


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