Grin, giggle, guffaw

May 1, 2016

World Laughter Day was created in 1998 by Dr. Madan Kataria, founder of the worldwide Laughter Yoga movement.

First Sunday of every May is World Laughter Day. Our mission to bring good heath joy and world peace thru laughter. The way Laughter Yoga has spread across 105 countries in less than 21 years without any marketing and advertising, it leaves me with no doubt this is what the whole world needs. . . 

WLD 2016 Ad

LifeSkills's photo.
Laughter Yoga's photo.

I’ve done a couple of Laughter Yoga workshops – they are hilarious and health-giving.

I finished the weekend feeling relaxed and refreshed and the following day I discovered muscles across my abdomen I hadn’t known I possessed.

You can find out more about Laughter Yoga in New Zealand here.

And see it in action here:

It’s not only possible to laugh for no reason but if you need a bit of help to grin, giggle or guffaw try Victoria Wood:

 

 


Saturday’s smiles

April 30, 2016

A major research institute has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. It has been tentatively named governmentium.

Governmentium has at least one neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75 assistant neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of at least 312.

These 312 or more atomic particles are surrounded by subatomic particles called morons, which are in turn surrounded by a vast number of
other subatomic particles called peons.

Governmentium has a half-life of three years.

It does not normally decay, but instead grows by undergoing reorganization, in which the neutron and/or some of the deputy neutrons, assistant neutrons and deputy assistant neutrons exchange places, and some morons become neutrons, deputies, assistants and/or assistant deputies, thus forming many isodopes.

Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

It is primarily observable in that it functions to impede every reaction with which it comes into contact.

In one observed instance a minute amount of governmentium caused a reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally
have taken less than a second.

Governmentium is difficult to distinguish from the element previously believed to be the heaviest, administratium.

Administratium is very similar but has slightly less mass, each atom having twice as many morons but only half as many peons.

Some scientists speculate that governmentium is formed whenever  morons reach a certain concentration. They refer to this hypocritical concentration as the critical morass.

They further speculate that governmentium, when catalysed with a sufficient quantity of revenue, radiates peons while accumulating more morons, and thus decays to form administratium


Saturday’s smiles

April 23, 2016

Crowd sourcing the weekly quiz has been educational and entertaining so I’m going to try the same for today’s joke.

I welcome your witty contributions.


Saturday’s smiles

April 23, 2016

A young Scottish man called Angus decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.

After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.

‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.’

‘Well, laddie,’ says his mother, ‘I suggest you don’t associate with people like that.’

‘Oh,’ says Angus, ‘I don’t, Mam, I don’t. No, I just stay inside my apartment, playing my bagpipes.’


Saturday’s smiles

April 16, 2016

Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Quite frankly, I have no idea. Shall we discuss the issue over a succulent, lean steak dinner?

That came from Beef + Lamb NZ’s Facebook page.

It reminded me of an email a friend sent me which gave several other answers:

Marilyn Waring: That’s a really sexist question. If it was a man crossing the road no one would ask why he was doing it.

Rachel Hunter: It’s sad when you feel like you have to cross the road because the rooster is always after younger chicks.

Sean Fitzpatrick: Full credit to the chicken. It was a road of two halves and the chicken was the winner on the day.

Sam Hunt: So the chicken/crossed the road/ and also rode/ the cross. / Our nation’s boss/ the Southern Cross/ Now bears his/ PALTRY load.

John Campbell: And so, this chicken, it could be any chicken. Indeed a chicken of the people. And it crossed the road. Or so we all thought. It now seems that the whole story may have been a publicity stunt to boost interest in a new book that was published by the very same chook. Tonight on Checkpoint we investigate the crook chook cook book..

David Farrar: Let’s look at what the polls say about this chicken. . . .

Whaleoil: Let me show you how to shoot, pluck, gut and cook a chicken.

Cactus Kate: Don’t waste your time on a chicken that walks. If it had any ability it would fly. First Class.

Winston Peters: The people of New Zealand know I will not continue to sit idly by and let the media make unsubstantiated accusations about the chicken. Let me tell you that this matter will be fully tested in court and the people will have their say.

Metiria Turei: If there were more cycle lanes it would be much safer for chickens to cross the road and they wouldn’t waste fossil fuels doing it.

Tariana Turia: The chicken’s mana entitles it to cross the road whenever and wherever it wants.  Our chickens are not required to provide a reason for their actions. It’s time the rednecks stopped chicken-bashing.

Hone Harawira: – What gave the chicken the right to walk on a road that is built on our land?

Andrew Little: It’s with a sorry heart I say it, but if someone needs to be stiff-armed to allow more chickens to cross the road, then so be it.

Peter Dunne: It was the sensible thing to do.

David Seymour: Act will give all chickens vouchers for the education to enable them to choose what road they want to cross, and we’ll sort out the RMA so it’s easier to build roads for them to choose.

John Key: The chicken was ambitious. It wanted a brighter future and had to cross the road to get to it.


Saturday’s smiles

April 9, 2016

Obituary:

The country lost an old friend, ‘Common Sense’, who has been with us for many years.  No one knows for sure how old she was, since her birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. 

She will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault. 

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

Her health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouth wash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. 

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

She declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant.

Common Sense went down hill as churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.  She declined further when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and if you tried, the burglar could sue you for assault. 

She  finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled a little in her lap, sued the cafe and won. 

Common Sense was preceded in death, by her parents, Truth and Trust, her husband Discretion, their daughter, Responsibility and son Reason. 

She is survived by his 4 step-siblings: I Know My Rights; I Want It Now; Someone Else Is To Blame; I’m A Victim. 

Not many attended her funeral because so few realised she was gone. 


Saturday’s smiles

April 2, 2016

My first job was working in an orange juice factory,   but I got canned when I couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,  but just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried being a tailor,  but wasn’t suited for it – my work was just so-so.

Next, I tried working in a muffler factory,  but that was too exhausting.

Then, tried being a chef – figured it would add a little spice to my life,  but just didn’t have the thyme.

Next, I attempted being a deli worker,  but anyway I sliced it…. couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was a musician, but I had difficulty tuning in and eventually found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but didn’t have any patience.

Next, was a job in a shoe factory.     Tried hard but my sole wasn’t in it and I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income.

Managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,    but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a gym but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work,  I finally got a job as a historian – but I realised there was no future in it.

My last job was working in Starbucks, but I got bored with the same old grind.

So I tried retirement and found I’m perfect for the job.


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