I’d like to apologise . . .

This is absolutely beyond hilarious.

Whilst it takes aim at Scotlands new ‘Hate Speech’ laws, I’m sure it will resonate with anyone & everyone who’s sick of the ‘mind virus’

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 pic.twitter.com/Il44civsMZ

— Concerned Citizen (@BGatesIsaPyscho) April 2, 2024

We’re all far right now

Truth in jest:

We Are All Far Right Now #farright pic.twitter.com/YERqKauGUx

— Dominic Frisby (@DominicFrisby) March 23, 2024

Calvin & Hobbes on adulting

“Adult situations” 🤣🤣 #CalvinandHobbes pic.twitter.com/TzwbnDcZOM

— Calvin and Hobbes Fan Account (@Calvinn_Hobbes) December 28, 2023

Differences between men and women

Amanda Gore points out a few basic differences between men and women:

Need a laugh?

Jerry Coyne was feeling low yesterday, posted a joke and invited readers to add their own jokes in the comments.

His joke was:

A Jewish man lives into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday the Catholics are driven crazy because, while they’re morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism. Finally, after many threats and much pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and says, “Born a Jew, Raised a Jew, Now a Catholic.” The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious but maddening smells every Friday evening.

But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighborhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew’s house to remind him of his new diet. They see him standing over the cooking steak. He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying, “Born a cow, Raised a cow, Now a fish.”

If you click on this link you’ll find the jokes readers left.

Mitchell & Webb gift shop

Mitchell & Webb – waiter

Mitchell & Webb Evil Vicar

Mitchell & Webb shop

Olive and Mabel golf

Mitchell & Webb dinner party

The Magic Coffee Table

A distinctly unpleasant vegetable

Sam Kekovich calls out a distinctly unpleasant vegetable:

A distinctly unpleasant vegetable has become endemic in the cities of our great nation… the couch potato! Beef up Australia! #rftte #beefup pic.twitter.com/u1DudpJ0zT

— RFTTE (@rftte) June 4, 2023

Michael McIntyre on the NZ accent

Olive and Mabel looking for love

Plant-based meat the natural way

Innovative New Process Converts Plants Into Meat By Feeding Them To Cows pic.twitter.com/VMpNKUHyDn

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) December 16, 2022

All I want for Christmas . . .

Dear Santa,

First, we know what it’s like to have to work when most of the country is sleeping or on holiday, so we’ll be sure to leave out fresh hay for the reindeer and some home-grown goodies for you.

We also know that economically things are looking grim so we’ve cut our list back to basics.

Enough sun – but not too much; enough rain, but not too much.

Markets that recognise the quality of our produce, the high standards of our practices and prices that recognise all of that.

Policies that follow the science not emotion and fashion.

A government that won’t sabotage pastoral farming when the world needs our food; rural communities need our business and involvement, and the country needs our export income.

Yours productively

Farmers

 

Dear Santa,

You gave me the best present ever in 2020 but it’s already tattered and tarnished, and the star dust has fallen off it.

A lot of the people who used to be happy watching me play with it are getting grumpy and some are even saying unkind things about me.

I’d really like a shiny new model for myself and I hope you won’t think I’m being greedy, but could I ask for new ones for my team that actually work?

Yours kindly

Jacinda

 

Dear Santa,

You gave me an early Christmas gift last year and it’s been fun learning how to make it work and seeing what I can do with it.

The training wheels are well and truly off now and even some of the media have come to accept that I’ve mastered it.

I’m certainly not bored with it, but I do think I’m ready for the full-power upgrade, even if I have to wait until late next year for you to deliver it.

Yours in leadership,

Chris

Saturday’s smiles

Top story from everybody: @BT0731: 'Baby elephant disrupting a TV reporter is the best part of today. ' https://t.co/FkeT7bmF8c, see more https://t.co/qFtedK5ZlU

— Sakimin (@sakimin) November 15, 2022

 

Saturday’s smiles

It’s so dry that:

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The council closed two lanes of the town swimming pool.

When a country town finally got a brief shower it caused quite a commotion.  One of the town’s residents was disturbed by the noise and went outside to see what was happening.  Water falling from the sky was such a shock that the man fainted.  They had to throw two buckets of dust in his face to revive him.

Church leaders have got together to do their part to conserve water.  Until further notice, Baptist churches will baptise  by sprinkling, Methodists will baptise with wet-wipes,  Anglicans will issue rain checks, and Catholics will pray for wine to turn back into water.

Cows are only producing evaporated milk.

Enjoying nature

Infectious disease goes on a hike pic.twitter.com/O8bSTOThkx

— Dr. Glaucomflecken (@DGlaucomflecken) October 10, 2022