Entitilitus epidemic alert

The Ministry of Economic Health has issued a status four warning about the spread of entitilitus.

Ministry spokesperson Dr Truly Serious said the outbreak was widespread and approaching epidemic proportions.

“It started in deprived areas, spread to places where people have just enough and there has been an insidious spread from there to more affluent locations.

“It appears that natural immunity provided by self reliance has been undermined by successive attacks on earnings through over-taxation. This has weakened income streams and inflated perceptions of unfairness.”

Dr Serious said medical centres have been overwhelmed by patients and treatment of the most serious has been delayed because of the difficulty in differentiating between those who have the benign condition of eligibility and those with full blown entitilitis.

“Research suggests that entitilitis may in fact be a mutant strain of eligibility which is weakened by misguided ideology. That allows self interest to develop and erodes the will for self sufficiency,” she said.

“Diagnosis isn’t simple because there are a variety of different factors we have to consider with each patient. We don’t want to subject people who have eligibility to unnecessary treatment but it is important we administer a sharp dose of reality to anyone with entitilitis before the epidemic worsens.”

Dr Serious said a great deal of effort has gone into developing a vaccine but researchers have been hampered by the difficulty of developing something strong enough to withstand cross infection from voter pressure and political expediency.

Symptoms of entitilitis vary but patients who test positive for the condition usually have high expectations, difficulty distinguishing between wants and needs and low levels of personal responsibility.

“Anyone who recognises these symptoms in themselves should start by consulting their conscience, and examining their social responsibility,” Dr Serious said.

“I make no apology for making a plea to people’s better nature and asking those who can look after themselves to make every effort to do so. Otherwise, if the epidemic worsens we will run short of resources. We must be mindful that every cent spend dealing with entitilitis will compromise our ability to look after patients with genuine eligibility.”