Mother love lapsed

I couldn’t read the court reports on the trial of the people accused of the abuse which led to Nia Glassie’s death.

The little bits I got from inadvertently listening to radio or watching TV news programmes told me far more than I wanted to know of the gruesome details of what this wee girl went through in her short life.

Then I noticed this headline last week:  Mother turned blind eye to daughter’s abuse court hears

So I read the story and when I got to this bit: “What would I do? Nothing, just sit there.”  I cried.

I couldn’t understand how mother love could lapse so badly, then Then I thought about the day I got to the end of my tether with my daughter.

I can’t remember what she’d been doing and why I felt so angry about it, but I’ve never forgotten my response. I picked her up carefully, put her in her cot at one end of the house, walked out a door at the other end and screamed so loudly that one of our men who was cutting trees with a chain saw hundreds of metres away heard me.

Then I took a deep breath, went back inside, picked up the toddler, gave her a cuddle and we got on with our day.

What’s the difference between me and those who were found guilty of murder or manslaughter of Nia? Why did I have enough self control to put my daughter’s safety first and why were these people capable of such evil behaviour?

Part of the answer could be in our backgrounds. I was brought up by parents who loved each other, my brothers and me. My mother was the most selfless person I’ve ever known and she taught us all the importance of caring for others. I married a man who had a similar upbringing and commitment to our children and me. We have the love and support of wider family and friends and caring relationships are normal for us.

But our normal isn’t normal for everyone, that’s why some people are desensitised to human suffering, that’s why chidlren like Nia are abused and die and that people who know about it in the house and the neighbourhood do nothing.

Parental love should be inherent because protection of our young is a basic instinct for people and animals. But drug and alcohol abuse mixed with intergenerational dysfunction contribute to a short circuit in that primal emotion.

Each time one of these dreadful cases becomes public, we say never again. But it will keep happening until putting the needs of vulnerable people first is normal for everyone.