Megan Devine on finding hope inside loss:
Intense grief isn’t like ordinary life, and ordinary tools aren’t always helpful.
Meditation inside grief isn’t about feeling “better,” it’s about finding kindness exactly where you are (even when where you are is painful).
This 9 minute meditation is an excerpt from my audio book, the Grief Experiment, available at http://refugeingrief.com/. Hop over to the website to find lots of good stuff for grieving folks, and for friends & family who want to be supportive (they just don’t know how).
Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief has some of the most helpful resources I’ve found.
Megan Devine on being nice:
How many times in your life have you heard “hey! Don’t say that!! BE NICE!”?? If you’re like many people, you’ve heard that phrase so many times, you say it to yourself every time you’re annoyed or upset by something.
It’s an automatic reflex. “Be nice” is what we tell ourselves when the truth feels too harsh to say out loud.
“Be nice” is what other people say when they’re afraid you’ll upset the status quo, or make things weird when you call someone out on their actions. And “be nice” gets aimed at grieving people when we complain that, no matter how “well intentioned,” certain things just feel like crap.
Things like, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “at least you had them as long as you did” feel dismissive and rude because they ARE dismissive and rude.
But you can’t just say that to someone. Can you? Find out in this video…. on being “nice.” (and what to be instead).
Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief is one of the best resources I’ve found.
You can find it here.
Megan Devine on self kindness:
Being kind to yourself is one of the hardest things to do. OTHER people might deserve kindness and compassion, but you? You know too much about yourself – the things you did and didn’t do, the ways you failed or didn’t try hard enough – to ever be kind. Let’s find a way around this, okay? For all you’ve had to live, you deserve kindness. . .
Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief is one of the most helpful resources I have come across.
You can find it here.
Megan Devine speaks sense on grief:
Megan Devine is the author of It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay, Meeting Grief and Loss in a CultUre That Doesn’t Understand.
It’s one of the best books on grief I’ve read.
She also has a website: Refuge in Grief where you’ll find some very helpful resources, including how to help a grieving friend.
It’s natural to want to make someone feel better, but rather than trying to cheer someone or fix someone who is grieving, it’s much more helpful to acknowledge the pain.
You can’t heal someone’s pain by trying to take it way from them.
When somebody shares something painful it’s much more helpful to say “I’m sorry that’s happening, do you want to tell me about it,” To be able to say “this hurts” without being talked out of it, that’s what helps. Being heard helps.
It seems too simple to be of use, but acknowledgement can be the best medicine we have. It makes things better even when they can’t be made right.
If you’re grieving or wanting to help someone who is, this video comes from Refuge in Grief where you will find other helpful information.