Look Mum, no Hans

August 26, 2015

Darren Walsh won the award for the funniest joke of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe with this line:

“I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans-free.”

The next nine were:

2: Stewart Francis: “Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse… but enough about Kanye West.”

3: Adam Hess: “Surely every car is a people carrier?”

4: Masai Graham: “What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘Zippo’? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.”

5: Dave Green: “If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go.”

6: Mark Nelson: “Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.”

7: Tom Parry: “Red sky at night. Shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night. Day.”

=8: Alun Cochrane: “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.”

=8: Simon Munnery: “Clowns divorce. Custardy battle.”

10: Grace The Child: “They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for…”

No doubt most would have been much funnier as part of a show than they are reading them cold on a screen.

 


Did you hear the one about . . .

August 20, 2014

. . . the funniest one-liners at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival:

* “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust” – Tim Vine.

* “I’ve written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set” – Masai Graham.

* “Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief” – Mark Watson.

* “I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn’t work. You could only fill it in with number ones and number twos” – Bec Hill.

* “I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me” – Ria Lina.

* “Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal” – Paul F Taylor.

* “Scotland had oil, but it’s running out thanks to all that deep frying” – Scott Capurro.

* “I’ve been married for 10 years, I haven’t made a decision for seven” – Jason Cook.

* “This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it” – Felicity Ward.

 


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