Governmentium

July 13, 2008

Cameron Bagrie’s  report on unproductive Government spending has been labelled a nonsense by Jim Anderton – perhaps that indicates he’s been poisoned by governmentium:

 

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the

heaviest element yet known to science.

 

The new element has been named “Governmentium (Gv).” Governmentium (Gv) has 1 neutron (PM), 29 assistant neutrons (MPs), 19 deputy neutrons (List MPs), another 3 acting assistant deputy neutrons and 6 Green assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 63.

 

These 63 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are

surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

 

Governmentium is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes

every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of

Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a

second, to take more than four days to complete.

 

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 18 months; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant

neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

 

Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, which then form isodopes.

 

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

 

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

 

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (Am) — an element which radiates just as much heat but less energy than Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons all controlled by isodopes.

A reader sent me an email with this, I have seen several versions of it before but do not to whom credit for the original is due.


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