Mud Cake



Take equal quanitites of philosophy and ambition and discard principles.

Seive envy through prejudice spiced with innuendo and mix with bile.

Add raw desperation and duplicity and stir until beaten up.

Cook over simmering resentment until well done.

Ice with sound bites.

Serve immediately because this dish has a tendency to curdle as it cools.

This is the second in a series of posts featuring recipes from an old book recently discoverd by the Enfield Windsor Ngapara Picnic Table. The first was a Campaign Casserole.

They’re on to us


Fairfacts Media over at No Minister has revealed the motivation behind Labour’s new-found antipathy to gangs:

AUCKLAND (NZPA): Prime Minister Helen Clark is backing Phil Goff in his bid to ban gangs.
Clark is said to be particularly worried over the threat posed by ‘BluePower’, whose ‘chapters’ are spreading across New Zealand and threaten the government.
The group, headed by John ‘the muss’ Key, is said to be strongest in rural and prosperous areas.
Its members, numbering in the tens of thousands, are said to wear regalia such as suits, shirts and sensible shoes.
The gang is said to be strongest in farming, law and accountancy, with many members reportedly ‘self-employed.’
“BluePower represents a major threat to New Zealand with their activities,” said Ms Clark today.
“Their members and supporters are growing in number and represent a great threat to our way of life and even parliament as it stands now,” she said.
Already the government has implemented measures such as the Electoral Finance Act to try and curb the growth of the gang, by preventing BluePower from getting its message across.
“We just have to take a tough stance to stop this corrupt and cancerous organisation,” Clark continued.
Indeed, ‘corrupt and cancerous’ was the description Clark gave to the former BluePower leader known simply as ‘the Don.’
But now the government fears the wider support of the youthful Key, whose more moderate message is credited in reducing people’s fears of the organisation.
Speaking from his Parnell gang headquarters, Key declined to comment on Clark, though a senior gang member Gerry ‘kicker’ Brownlee said BluePower plans to give Clark and her ‘red patch’ followers “a good beating” early in November.

The Enfield Windsor Ngapara Branch of the Picnic Table convened an emergency meeting to discuss this development.

Members agreed they would remain staunch in their boldly blue approach to clothing and are prepared to  argue wearing red band gum boots and their penchant for red wine will be a mitigating factors should any be arrested.

Campaign Casserole


The Enfield, Windsor, Ngapara Branch of the Picnic Table has come across an old book full of recipes collected from well known people.

We can’t read the name of the person who submitted this one, but it came from parliament and we think we can guess who sent it:

Campaign Casserole

Take a large pot and chuck in any old election bribes you have in the pantry and season them well with empty promises.

Add false hopes, vague ideals and high expectations.

Stir in equal quantities of paranoia, xenophobia and delusion.

Spice with a dash of scandal and anti-media rhetoric to taste.

Bring to the boil over the flame of naked ambition and simmer with rightous anger for as long as it takes.

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