Saturday’s smiles

April 30, 2016

A major research institute has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. It has been tentatively named governmentium.

Governmentium has at least one neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75 assistant neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of at least 312.

These 312 or more atomic particles are surrounded by subatomic particles called morons, which are in turn surrounded by a vast number of
other subatomic particles called peons.

Governmentium has a half-life of three years.

It does not normally decay, but instead grows by undergoing reorganization, in which the neutron and/or some of the deputy neutrons, assistant neutrons and deputy assistant neutrons exchange places, and some morons become neutrons, deputies, assistants and/or assistant deputies, thus forming many isodopes.

Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

It is primarily observable in that it functions to impede every reaction with which it comes into contact.

In one observed instance a minute amount of governmentium caused a reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally
have taken less than a second.

Governmentium is difficult to distinguish from the element previously believed to be the heaviest, administratium.

Administratium is very similar but has slightly less mass, each atom having twice as many morons but only half as many peons.

Some scientists speculate that governmentium is formed whenever  morons reach a certain concentration. They refer to this hypocritical concentration as the critical morass.

They further speculate that governmentium, when catalysed with a sufficient quantity of revenue, radiates peons while accumulating more morons, and thus decays to form administratium


Governmentium

July 13, 2008

Cameron Bagrie’s  report on unproductive Government spending has been labelled a nonsense by Jim Anderton – perhaps that indicates he’s been poisoned by governmentium:

 

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the

heaviest element yet known to science.

 

The new element has been named “Governmentium (Gv).” Governmentium (Gv) has 1 neutron (PM), 29 assistant neutrons (MPs), 19 deputy neutrons (List MPs), another 3 acting assistant deputy neutrons and 6 Green assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 63.

 

These 63 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are

surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

 

Governmentium is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes

every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of

Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a

second, to take more than four days to complete.

 

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 18 months; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant

neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

 

Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, which then form isodopes.

 

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

 

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

 

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (Am) — an element which radiates just as much heat but less energy than Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons all controlled by isodopes.

A reader sent me an email with this, I have seen several versions of it before but do not to whom credit for the original is due.


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