Whoops

May 6, 2014

Our niece, who’s using our car while she’s home from overseas, had noticed an unusual noise coming from near one of the rear wheels.

She booked the car in for a check-up, took it in on Friday, locked it and gave the key to the receptionist.

A few hours later we got a phone call – a mechanic had unlocked the car, checked something, left the key in it and gone to do something else. When he got back the car had gone.

No-one at the workshop had seen anything untoward but the logical conclusion was it had been stolen so they reported it to the police.

A couple of hours later we got another call.

The car was on the back of a transporter en route to Christchurch.

The transport driver had called in to pick up a light blue Toyota Camry and had been given the key, with the registration number attached.

He’d ignored the information about the model and registration and gone for the colour instead – a light blue Toyota Corolla, found another key on the seat, used it to start the car,  loaded it onto the transporter and headed north.

We got a phone call yesterday afternoon to tell us the car had been returned, the source of the noise found and fixed and our niece had picked it up.

She reported when she went to get it, the car had been locked and the key was in the office.

Methinks they’ve reviewed their practice of leaving keys in cars while in the yard even though this time it was an honest mistake and not a theft.


50 shades of red

July 31, 2013

Fire fighters in London are blaming Fifty Shades of Grey for an increase in the number of call-outs to release people trapped in handcuffs:

It is emergency calls that firemen are expected to answer, not embarrassing ones.

But thanks to the popularity of the erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, they are increasingly being called out to free people handcuffed to beds.

London Fire Brigade said it had turned out to 79 such incidents – and nine instances of men with rings stuck on their penises – and urged people ‘always keep the keys handy’.

Third officer Dave Brown, said: ‘Some of the incidents our firefighters are called out to could be prevented with a little common sense. 

‘I don’t know whether it’s the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up.

‘I’m sure most people will be fifty shades of red by the time our crews arrive to free them.’

There’s smouldering passion and burning with desire but I don’t think needing the fire brigade is the outcome intended when someone says, come on baby light my fire.

Whoops!

June 28, 2013

A Dunedin woman called police after she reached for lip balm in the dark, applied super glue instead and glued her lips together.

It reminds me of an old limerick:

There was a young couple from Delhi/Stuck together belly to belly/ One very dark night/They used araldite/ Instead of petroleum jelly.


God defend Australia?

June 15, 2013

You can understand someone confusing the New Zealand and Australian flags – but the anthems?

Australia’s men’s hockey team has been forced to watch on awkwardly as officials mistakenly played the New Zealand national anthem instead of Advance Australia Fair prior to a match in Holland.

The Kookaburras were waiting for the Australian anthem prior to their opening Hockey World League match with Belgium when the Maori version of the New Zealand anthem began playing.

Footage of the anthem ceremony shows the bemused response from the Kookaburras as they realise the mistake, some players begin grinning while others shake their head.

Click on the link above for the video.


Spain takes over US presidency?

January 3, 2010

The headline says:

Spain takes over US presidency

That really would be headline news but the story which follows is somewhat less sensational:

Spain took over the presidency of the European Union on Friday. . . The six-month rotating post passed from Sweden to Spain at the stroke of midnight. . .

We usually refer to the European Union as the EU. In Spain it’s the Union Europeo and they call it the UE, but I don’t know any language where it’s the US.


And today is?

November 24, 2009

I just phoned the Koru Club and got a recorded message telling me the office was closed for Queens Birthday.


4WD not amphibian

November 24, 2009

The Southland Times has the story and photo of a four wheel drive vehicle which can’t swim.


DOC duo dock rata

October 25, 2009

When the Queenstown Lakes District Council discovered a protected rata tree on Pigeon Island in Lake Wakatipu had been pruned by a chain saw it was not amused.

It wanted to prosecute the person or people responsible for attacking the 100 year-old tree.

Then the culprits confessed. They were DOC workers who’d been working on the island and had cut what they thought was dead wood from the tree to replenish the wood supply in the hut they’d been staying in.

The council decided not to prosecute but the men were disciplined and required to pay $1500 towards the cost of the investigation.

DOC’s often hard line approach to safeguarding native flora isn’t always appreciated by the public and there’s been little sympathy for the culprits.

The Southland Times opines:

. . . it is hard to imagine anything quite as extravagant as them being such a target for every wit and half-wit in the district, or the furrowed-brow reproach of their suddenly put-upon workmates in the department, who inevitably get roped in to the climate of public commentary.

No doubt their faces were as red as the rata flowers.


Having a swell time

October 4, 2009

They stopped en route to the start of the Central Otago Rail Trail for provisions.

When the bloke serving them realised where they were going he asked if they had padded bike shorts.

They said no.

“I’ve got the next best thing,” he told them and produced incontinence pads.

They bought them and were very impressed with the added comfort they provided the first day.

They weren’t quite so impressed the next day.

It rained. Incontinence pads are designed to swell when they get wet and they did.


Things done vs things to do

August 15, 2009

 I’m supposed to be writing an essay.

The deadline is Wednesday.

Today is the only full day I have clear for writing it.

So what have I done?

Lots of work avoidance:

Things to do

 GraphJam

 


A red faced blue

August 6, 2009

Since kiwiblog: won’t even mention how she was alseep in her room when they awarded her the prize 🙂 I thought I’d give my side of the story:

Travelling for more than 36 hours is not the best preparation for a conference.

Our journey back from Europe started on a train from Verona on Thursday morning and finished with a flight which arrived in Christchurch at 9am on Saturday, half an hour ahead of schedule.

That gave us time to get a taxi to the hotel, shower, change clothes and sneak into the back of the National Party’s annual conference just a few minutes after it opened at 10am.

By lunchtime the travel and time difference were catching up on us. We wanted to listen to Bill English, the first speaker for the afternoon, but when that speech finished my farmer retired for a siesta and I followed a few minutes later.

In the normal course of events no-one would have noticed but shortly after I left  party president Judy Kirk announced the presentation of the Sir George Chapman Cup for service to the party.

Sir George, a former party president,  walked on to the stage while Judy outlined the recipient’s contribution to National in such a way that the identity of winner wasn’t obvious until very near the end of what she was saying.

Because we’d arrived late we’d been at the back of the hall, not with the with rest of the electorate. When the friends I’d been sitting with realised the winner was going to me, one sneaked up to let my MP, Jacqui Dean, know I wasn’t there. She accepted the cup on my behalf and in doing so explained why I needed a siesta .

On Sunday morning,  Judy started proceedings by announcing that since I was now awake, Sir George would do the presentation again. Which he did with great charm.

I’ve listened in admiration in past years as the contributions of  the winners were read out, never thinking that one day the cup might go to me and I am still somewhat overawed that it has.

Recognition of service and commitment in this way usually comes when someone retires. Doing it while the recipient is still actively involved is a very clever ploy because now I’ll have to ensure I justify the honour that’s been bestowed on me.


Kea steals passport – updated

May 29, 2009

It sound a little like the dog ate my homework, but a bird really did steal a Scottish tourist’s passport.

Keas are well known for being cheeky and this one got away with a courier bag containing the passport.

UPDATE:

Laughy Kate has a photo of the thief.

Porcospino has a copy of the kea’s passport.


Whoops

April 12, 2009

 

We had established we had both gone to Waitaki Girls’ High when she said something which made me realise that she thought we might be a similar age.

Not wanting to be be rude about what I thought must be quite a bit more than a decade’s difference in our ages, I said, “I was there from 1970 to 1974.”

Oh, she said, “I left in 1959.”

I thought it was funny but can see why the Auckland woman, mistaken for someone twice her age by a gosspip columnist isn’t amused.


Just two half glasses

November 30, 2008

As the designated driver for our party of five I took a precautionary approach to alcohol at Friday’s wedding.

I accepted a glass of bubbles when we arrived at the reception and nursed it over the next couple of hours until we sat down for dinner. The glass was still half full but I abandoned it in favour of a still white for the toasts and drank about half of that with the meal.

After just two half glasses of wine over several hours, accompanied by food, I should still have been in full control, but that didn’t stop me tripping over en route to the dance floor.

I fell on my left hand and am now sporting a compression bandage, a sling and relief I hadn’t drunk more because if I can do this much damage on two half glasses, I hate to think of the mess I’d be in had I emptied them.


%d bloggers like this: