Daily announcements

Like many of us, Jane Smith tired of the daily announcements of Covid numbers and she’s come up with some others to replace them:

. . .• Number of successful ram raids in Auckland overnight
• Number of teenagers slapped over the wrist with a wet bus ticket for carrying out violent ram raids
• Number of Parliamentary questions that Labour has rejected the premise of today
• Number of Official Information Act queries that have been stalled, ignored or heavily redacted this week
• Number of hectares of productive horticultural land lost this week to housing developments or significant natural lockups
• Number of new definitions created by Labour, the Greens and Iwi for the word Democracy
• Number of surgeries, cancer diagnoses and mental health emergencies have been ignored this week under the cover of Covid
• Number of essential worker immigration applications that have been shuffled to another desk this week
• Number of skeletons found in National party candidate closets this week when Labour is low in the polls
• Number of gang members have been recruited as prisoner rehabilitation consultants this month
• Number of houses that Kiwibuild haven’t built this week
• Number of workers essential businesses are short of today
• Number of nurses that are overworked, underpaid, undervalued and at breaking point today
• Number of free NCEA credit giveaways for students this week
• Number of offshore dirty carbon credit offsets bought with your taxpayer money this week . 
Number of hectares of native hill country biodiversity that have been replaced with acidic pine trees this month
• Number of small to medium businesses that have gone into liquidation today
• Number of questions on co-governance and Three Waters that have been successfully dodged this week
• Number of high qualified health care workers still unable to fill urgent staffing shortages due to an outdated vaccine mandate
• Number of un-actioned child-poverty actions
• Number of places that New Zealand has dropped this week in OECD rankings for productivity, health care and education
• Number of socialist universal payments (sorry I mean cost of living payments) paid to the deceased this week
• Number of unemployable unemployed that have been disguised as job seekers this month
• Number of truant students missing from school today
• Number of Speakers of the House that have been given cushy diplomat jobs this year
• Dollars that have been spent on parliamentary playgrounds and Boomer bike bridge plans this week
• Number of government departments that have been endowed with a new, unpronounceable, unrecognisable name this week
• Number of highly audited, highly accredited New Zealand pig farmers that have gone out of business today
• Number of Cabinet portfolios given to Chris Hipkins this week
• Tonnes of imported fresh pork on our shelves this week from countries with little or no animal, environmental or human welfare standards
• Number of new bureaucrats employed today in new jobs with meaningless titles this week
• Number of cunning plots activated in the Beehive this week to centralise local and regional decision making
• Number of non-challenges to James Shaw’s co-leadership this week

Number of dollars provincial communities have had to raise this week to build their own cancer care hospital
• Number of electric cars re-charged on Auckland’s motorway by a diesel Hilux carrying a diesel generator
• Number of new and hidden regulations developed this week to take away property rights
• Number of New Zealanders that have no idea that if unworkable regulations, land losses, energy and employment costs continue, the price of their food will more than double in the next five years
• Number of righteous greenies that are causing global emissions to increase with their choice of food, electric cars and travel-heavy lifestyle
• Tonnes of imported Indonesian coal burnt to fuel electricity to power electric cars this week
• Number of white males apologising for being white males today
• Number of days until the next general election

The answer to the last one is far too many given the damage this government is inflicting on the country – or in their words, the motu.

6 Responses to Daily announcements

  1. Lloyd Mc says:

    Every one is a gem!!


  2. Heather Adam says:

    Ele, that is one very alarming list. Another year to go. How much more damage can they inflict in that time ?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Gravedodger says:

    Goodness me does that list indicate the Mafia do not have any influence on events in New Zealand but someone has the Media in their pocket and it is really bulging.
    Now tell me does that Jane come from the right side of a certain river near yuose fellas.


  4. homepaddock says:

    Yes, Gravedodger, Jane does live on the right side of the Waitaki not far from us.


  5. Gravedodger says:

    Aha you were facing the west then LoL?


  6. homepaddock says:

    The true right is the river’s downstream right regardless of which way I’m facing. When I’m facing East I’m on the right side of the Waitaki although it’s on my left. I’m also on the other side of the Kakanui which is on my right. 😉


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