From fake meat to fake veg

Sick of meat that isn’t meat saying it is?

How about a meat-based carrot?

Right now the only, fake meat on the market is what they call, “plant based meat” which isn’t meat at all its mushed up plants, but because eating plants sucks they have to pull a trick and color it, add who knows what to it, and call it meat. Now where I come from, if you try to sell something by calling it something that it isn’t, they call that fraud and its illegal. That’s not how it works on Wall Street or in investment presentations in Silicon Valley. There you don’t have to make sense as long as you can explain your lie with more lies and show a graph that has up arrows on it, they’re in. 

Fake Vegetables

With all this money being poured into fake meat, it gave me an idea. Instead of taking a food that everyone loves…meat, and making a fake one out of foods that everyone doesn’t really love… vegetables. Why not make fake foods…vegetables out of great tasting food… meat? Of course it doesn’t make any sense, but that doesn’t seem to matter at all anymore. So I’m doing it. I’m all in and here it is. I present you the meat based carrot. 

Best looking carrot I’ve ever laid eyes on. Throw that baby on the grill. Stick it in a hot dog bun, maybe a little ketchup and mustard and its the tastiest carrot the world has ever known, but don’t you go calling it a hot dog, or hamburger, or anything else besides a carrot because that is what it is. A delicious healthy carrot.  And that’s just the beginning, I’m gonna be making all kinds of great tasting veggies out of meat. My next product, I think will be a bacon based lettuce. Imagine that salad. No dressing required. Just a bowl full of beautiful, succulent bacon leaves. 

I haven’t completely decided on a name yet but in honor of the two fakest meat companies, Beyond Meat and Impossible Foods, I’m leaning towards, Beyond Impossible Vegetables. It has a nice fraudulent ring to it. . .

My farmer had a fake meat burger on a flight home from the USA last month. He offered me a bite.

One bite was enough, the taste wasn’t memorable and the texture was mushy.

So why bother?

I enjoy eating vegetables and usually eat lots of them. I sometimes choose to eat meatless meals and if I’m doing so I want to enjoy them as vegetables in the many and varied ways they can be served in vegetarian meals.

I don’t want vegetables that are pretending to be meat, especially if they are purporting to be better for both human and environmental health when often they are not.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: