Saturday’s smiles

THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME …

My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE – “If you’re going kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”

My mother taught me RELIGION – “You better pray that you’re going to be able to clean that off the carpet.”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL – “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me LOGIC – “Because I said so, that’s why.”

My Mother taught me LOGIC…#2 – “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, I won’t be taking you swimming this afternoon.”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT – “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me IRONY – “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS – “Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM – “Will you just look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS – “If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY – “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t Exaggerate!!!”

My mother taught me about STAMINA – “You’ll sit there ’til all that
spinach is finished.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER – “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”

My mother taught me about ENVY – “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION – “Just wait until we get home.”

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE – “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, theyr’e gong to stay that way.”

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD – “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.”

My Mother taught me ESP – “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”

My Mother taught me HUMOUR – “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My Mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT – “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My Mother taught me about SEX – “How do you think you got here?”

My Mother taught me about GENETICS – “You’re just like your father.”

My Mother taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE – “When you get to be my age, you will understand.”

Among all the things my mother taught me, my all time favorite is JUSTICE – “One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!”

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