Saturday’s smiles

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender gives a warm smile and says, “For you, no charge”.

What did one ion say to the other?
I’ve got my ion you.

Why did the chemist sole and heel her shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce her carbon footprint.

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.

What do you call a clown who’s in jail?
 A silicon.

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
Because it’s pretty basic stuff.

What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?
Separation anxiety.

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
Because it’s in the ground state.

If H20 is water, what is H204?
Drinking, cooking, bathing, washing, swimming . .

Titanium is a most wanton metal. When it gets hot, it’ll combine with anything.

What did one titration say to the other?
“Let’s meet at the endpoint.”

 What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
“Breaking up is hard to do.”

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

What is “HIJKLMNO”?

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

What element is derived from a Norse god?

 What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.

Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.

What kind of dogs do chemists have?
 Laboratory Retrievers

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
2 Na

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