When Insults Had Class…
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words:
The Earl of Sandwich to John Wilkes: “Sir, you are a scoundrel! You will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, my noble lord, ” replied Wilkes, “on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.”
Benjamin Disraeli was asked to articulate the distinction between the words “disaster” and “calamity”. He replied: “Well, if Mr Gladstone were to fall into the river Thames, that would be a disaster, but if someone were to pull him out, that would be a calamity.
“He had delusions of adequacy .” -Walter Kerr
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” -Clarence Darrow
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” -Moses Hadas
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” -Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” -Oscar Wilde
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” -Winston Churchill, in response
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” -John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating Sir Robert Muldoon
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” -Charles, Count Talleyrand
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” -Forrest Tucker
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” -Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” -Mae West
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” -Oscar Wilde
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” -Billy Wilder
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.” -Groucho Marx
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
Muldoon said this long before Keating, of Bill Rowling 🙂
Thanks – I thought Muldoon had said it first but wasn’t 100% sure.
Ha it is even in this 1995 Independent (UK) obituary for Rowling. By the NZPA’s David Barber who predates us in journalism! Though I do remember Muldoon saying it in 1975 🙂
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/obituary-sir-wallace-rowling-5642489.html
Reblogged this on The Inquiring Mind and commented:
An excellent collection of great insults