P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution logged by the mechanic.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in “altitude-hold” mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for!
P: Transponder inoperative.
S: Transponder always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: The T/C ball seemed stuck in the middle during my last turn.
S: Congratulations! You’ve just made your first coordinated turn.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Radio switches stick
S: Peanut butter no longer served to flight crew
P: Screaming sound in cabin at start-up
S: Company accountant deplaned
P: Funny smell in cockpit
S: Pilot told to change cologne
P: Aircraft 2,400 lbs over max weight
S: Aircraft put on diet of 92 octane
P: #3 engine knocks at idle
S: #3 engine let in for a few beers
P: #3 engine runs like it’s sick
S: #3 engine diagnosed with hangover
P: Brakes howl on application
S: Don’t step on ’em so hard!
P: Radio sounds like a squealing pig
S: Removed pig from radio. BBQ behind hangar tomorrow
P: First class cabin floor has a squeak
S: Co-pilot told not to play with toddler toys in cabin anymore
P: Electrical governor is broke
S: Paid off governor’s debt to Jimmy “The Fish” Galvano
P: Air conditioning motor makes a loud squeal like my mother-in-law.
S: recommend divorce