Noonlight – the light of noon; the brightest or clearest daylight.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS… I’m sorry…what did you ask me?
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
Q: How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can change the light bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you call before 2 p.m. and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight.
Q: How many Management Information Services guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: MIS (IT) has received your request concerning your hardware problem and has assigned you request number 359712. Please use this number for any future references to the light-bulb issue.
Q: How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3 – one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of the light socket
Q: How many Socialist Workers Party members does it take to change a lightbulb.
A: Four. One to change the bulb, one to write about it for “the paper”, one to sell you “the paper” and another to follow you home and
ask why you weren’t at the bulb changing, if you plan to make the next one and if you were still as committed.
Q: How many singer-songwriters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. They hold the bulb and the world revolves around them.
Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light
A: None. They’re supposed to keep the President in the dark.
A”: thirty-eight: One to say that no one could have foreseen the bulb’s burning out, one to spin stories for newspapers that the President’s bulb-changing program is working well, and thirty-five to go out on talk shows to accuse the Democrats of being weak on light, and one to deny rumours that it’s still dark in there.
Q: How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but they’d much rather watch someone else do it.
Q: How many customer service representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 5. One to incorrectly diagnose the problem, 2 to repeat the first rep’s notes to the customer, and one to inform the customer that the lightbulb changing service is no longer available in that location.
Q: How many Whitehouse officials does it take to screw in a
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it’s condition is improving every day. Any reports of it’s lack of incandescence are totally unfounded, and the result of delusional “spin” assaults from the fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it’s ego. Why do you hate freedom?
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.
Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.
Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
Q: How many Labour Party members does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They haven’t got a policy on that.
Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an ‘0800’ number to order a locally produced light bulb.
Q: How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, if she wants to sit in the dark, it’s her business.
Q: How many believable, competent, “just right for the job” presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It’s going to be a dark 4 years, isn’t it?
Saturday’s soapbox is yours to use as you will – within the bounds of decency and absence of defamation. You’re welcome to look back or forward, discuss issues of the moment, to pontificate, ponder or point us to something of interest, to educate, elucidate or entertain, amuse, bemuse or simply muse, but not abuse.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men – true nobility is being superior to your former self.
51 Nero, was given the title princeps iuventutis (head of the youth).
306 – Martyrdom of Saint Adrian of Nicomedia.
932 Translation of the relics of martyr Wenceslaus I, Duke of Bohemia, Prince of the Czechs.
1152 Frederick I Barbarossa was elected King of the Germans.
1238 The Battle of the Sit River was fought between the Mongol Hordes of Batu Khan and the Russians under Yuri II of Vladimir-Suzdal during the Mongol invasion of Russia.
1351 Ramathibodi became King of Siam.
1386 Władysław II Jagiełło (Jogaila) was crowned King of Poland.
1394 Henry the Navigator, was born (d. 1460).
1461 Wars of the Roses: Lancastrian King Henry VI was deposed by his Yorkist cousin, who then became King Edward IV.
1492 King James IV of Scotland concluded an alliance with France against England.
1519 Hernán Cortes arrived in Mexico in search of the Aztec civilization and their wealth.
1570 King Philip II of Spain banned foreign Dutch students.
1611 George Abbot was appointed Archbishop of Canterbury.
1629 Massachusetts Bay Colony was granted a Royal charter.
1678 Antonio Vivaldi, Italian composer, was born (d. 1741).
1756 Sir Henry Raeburn, Scottish painter, was born (d. 1823).
1789 In New York City, the first United States Congress met, putting theConstitution of the United States into effect.
1790 France was divided into 83 départements, which cuts across the former provinces in an attempt to dislodge regional loyalties based on ownership of land by the nobility.
1791 – A Constitutional Act was introduced by the British House of Commons which envisaged the separation of Canada into Lower Canada (Quebec) and Upper Canada (Ontario).
1793 French troops conquered Geertruidenberg, Netherlands.
1794 The 11th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. Congress.
1804 Castle Hill Rebellion: Irish convicts rebel against British colonial authority in the Colony of New South Wales.
1814 Americans defeated the British at the Battle of Longwoods .
1824 The “National Institution for the Preservation of Life from Shipwreck” was founded in the United Kingdom, later to be renamed The Royal National Lifeboat Institution in 1858.
1837 Chicago was incorporated as a city.
1855 Sheep rustler James Mackenzie was caught in the Upper Waitaki with 1000 sheep from the Levels Station near Timaru.
1861 First national flag of the Confederate States of America (the ‘Stars and Bars’) was adopted.
1882 Britain’s first electric trams run in East London.
1887 Gottlieb Daimler unveiled his first automobile.
1890 – The longest bridge in Great Britain, the Forth Railway Bridge in Scotland, measuring 1,710 feet (520 m) long, was opened by Edward the Prince of Wales.
1891 Lois Wilson, founder of Al-Anon, was born (d. 1988).
1894 Great fire in Shanghai. Over 1,000 buildings are destroyed.
1899 Cyclone Mahina swept in north of Cooktown, Queensland, with a 12 metre (39 ft) wave that reached up to 5 kilometres (3.1 mi) inland, killing over 300.
1902 The American Automobile Association was established.
1908 The Collinwood School fire, Collinwood, Ohio, killed 174 people.
1911 Victor Berger (Wisconsin) became the first socialist congressman in U.S.
1917 Jeannette Rankin of Montana became the first female member of the United States House of Representatives.
1918 The first case of Spanish flu occurred, the start of a devastating worldwide pandemic.
1925 Calvin Coolidge became the first President of the United States to have his inauguration broadcast on radio.
1928 Alan Sillitoe, English writer, was born (d. 2010).
1933 Frances Perkins became United States Secretary of Labour, the first female member of the United States Cabinet.
1933 – The Parliament of Austria was suspended because of a quibble over procedure – Chancellor Engelbert Dollfuss initiated authoritarian rule by decree.
1941 The United Kingdom launched Operation Claymore on the Lofoten Islands.
1944 Michael “Mick” Wilson, drummer (Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich), was born.
1945 Princess Elizabeth, joined the Women’s Auxiliary Territorial Service as a driver.
1945 – Lapland War: Finland declared war on Nazi Germany.
1948 Lindy Chamberlain, who maintained a dingo stole her baby and whose conviction for murdering the baby was overturned, was born.
1948 Chris Squire, English bassist (Yes), was born.
1949 Carroll Baker, Canadian country singer and songwriter, was born.
1954 Peter Bent Brigham Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts, announces the first successful kidney transplant.
1962 The United States Atomic Energy Commission announced that the first atomic power plant at McMurdo Station in Antarctica was in operation.
1966 Canadian Pacific Air Lines DC-8-43 exploded on landing at Tokyo International Airport, killing 64 people.
1970 French submarine Eurydice exploded.
1976 The Northern Ireland Constitutional Convention was formally dissolved resulting in direct rule of Northern Ireland from London via the British parliament.
1976 – The last flight of the second Concorde prototype aircraft to the Fleet Air Arm Museum at the Royal Naval Air Station, Yeovilton.
1977 The 1977 Bucharest Earthquake in southern and eastern Europe killed more than 1,500.
1982 NASA launched the Intelsat V-508 satellite.
1983 Bertha Wilson was appointed the first woman to sit on the Supreme Court of Canada.
1985 The Food and Drug Administration approved a blood test for AIDS.
1986 The Soviet Vega 1 began returning images of Comet Halley and the first images ever of its nucleus.
1991 Sheikh Saad Al-Abdallah Al-Salim Al-Sabah, the Prime Minister of Kuwait, returns to his country for the first time since Iraq‘s invasion.
1994 Space shuttle STS-62 (Columbia 16) launched into orbit.
1994 – Bosnia’s Bosniaks and Croats signed an agreement to form a federation in a loose economic union with Croatia.
1997 U.S. President Bill Clinton banned federally funded human cloning research.
1998 Oncale v. Sundowner Offshore Services: The Supreme Court of the United States ruled that federal laws banning on-the-job sexual harassment also apply when both parties are the same sex.
2001 4 March 2001 BBC bombing: a massive car bomb explodes in front of the BBC Television Centre seriously injuring 11 people. The attack was attributed to the Real IRA.
2001 Hintze Ribeiro disaster, a bridge collapses in northern Portugal, killing up to 70 people.
2002 Canada bans human embryo cloning but permits government-funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility treatment or abortions.
2002 Multinational Force in Afghanistan: Seven American Special Operations Forces soldiers were killed as they attempted to infiltrate the Shahi Kot Valley on a low-flying helicopter reconnaissance mission.
2005 The car of released Italian hostage Giuliana Sgrena was fired on by US soldiers after it ran a roadblock in Iraq, causing the death of an Italian Secret Service Agent and injuring two passengers.
2007 Approximately 30,000 voters took advantage of electronic voting in Estonia, the world’s first nationwide voting where part of the votecasting was allowed in the form of remote electronic voting via the Internet.
2009 – The International Criminal Court (ICC) issued an arrest warrant for Sudanese President Omar Hassan al-Bashir for war crimes and crimes against humanity in Darfur – the first sitting head of state to be indicted by the ICC since its establishment in 2002.
2013 – A plane crash in the Democratic Republic of the Congo killed 6 people.
2015 – At least 34 miners died in a suspected gas explosion at the Zasyadko coal mine in rebel-held Donetsk region of Ukraine.
Sourced from NZ History Online & Wikipedia