From child to parent

Donna Bryant Goertz writes an Owner’s Manual for a Child:

Dear Parent,

I want to be like you.  I want to be just like you, but I want to become like you in my own way, in my own time, and by my own efforts.  I want to watch you and imitate you.  I do not want to listen to you except for a few words at a time, unless you don’t know I’m listening.  I want to struggle, to make a grand effort with something very difficult, something I cannot master immediately.  I want you to clear the way for my efforts, to give me the materials and supplies that will allow success to follow initial difficulty.  I want you to observe me and see if I need a better tool, an instrument more my size, a taller, safer stepladder, a lower table, a container I can open by myself, a lower shelf, or a clearer demonstration of the process.  I don’t want you to do it for me or rush me or feel sorry for me or praise me.  Just be quiet and show me how to do it slowly, very slowly.

I will demand to do an entire project by myself all at once just because I see you doing it, but that’s not what will work for me.  Be firm and draw the line for me here.  I need for you to give me just one small part of the whole project and let me repeat it over and over until I perfect it.  You break down the project into parts that will be very difficult but possible for me to master through much effort, following many repetitions, and after long concentration.

I want to think like you, behave like you, and hold your values.  I want to do all this through my own efforts by imitating you.  Slow down when speak.  Let your words be few and wise.  Slow down your movements.  Perform your tasks in slow motion so I can absorb and imitate them.  If you trust and respect me by preparing my home environment and giving me freedom within it, I will discipline myself and cooperate with you more often and more readily.  The more you discipline yourself, the more I will discipline myself.  The more you obey the laws of my development the, more I will obey you.

We are both so fortunate that within me I have a secret plan for my own way of being like you.  I am driven by my secret plan.  I am safe and happy following it.  It is irresistible to me.  If you interfere with my work of unfolding myself according to my secret plan and try to force me to be like you in your own way, in your own time, by your own efforts, I will forget to work on my secret plan and begin to struggle against you.  I will decide to wage a war against you and everything you stand for.  That’s my nature  It’s my way of protecting myself.  You could call it integrity. . .

 

Hat Tip: Not PC

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