Saturday’s smiles

Lonely hearts seeking soulmate:

FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig for worms and clean and cook fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelors around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Husband required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESSMAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parenthood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilised society. I am looking for someone to help me build a better life and world and who will always vote for me.

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock; ability to drive essential; must be able weather any weather and to handle stock and machinery with the same concern and tenderness she will apply to their owner.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband. The man should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of the senior partner, i.e. me. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound.

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl – 5’8′ & 36′ 24′ 36′ with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a husband to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it’s fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace.

ASTRONAUT
I’m searching for a husband to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe and create experiences that are out of this world.

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