Saturday’s smiles

In 1605 Guy Fawkes plotted to kill King James 1 by blowing up the House of Parliament  in what is known as the Gunpowder Plot. Since then England has commemorated the event, on 5th November, with bonfires and fireworks. Occasionally, over the last few years, you will hear people ask “Where is Guy Fawkes when you really need him?”


How many safety inspectors does it take to light the bonfire? 
Four. One to light the match and three to hold the fire extinguisher.


How many civil servants does it take to set fire to Guy Fawkes? Twenty three.

One to strike the match and twenty two to fill in the paper work.


How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three. One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.


How many aerospace engineers does it take to light the kindling?
None. You don’t need a rocket science to start a bonfire.


How many Apple employees does it take to flame Guy Fawkes?
Five. One to light the match and four to design the t-shirt.


How many Microsoft programmers does it take to start the bonfire?
None. Microsoft declares darkness to be a new standard.


How many fish does it take to set the Guy Fawkes bonfire burning?
Just one surrealist.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start your Guy Fawkes bonfire?
A policeman arrested two kids. One for drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He charged one and let the other off.


I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying “Fireworks”
How right they were.


I’m good at firework displays. I’ve got a flare for it.


I launched my own clothing line this week. I knew I shouldn’t have lit the fireworks near the washing.


November the 5th has come and gone…
But some of the things still linger.
I held a banger in my hand..
has anyone seen my finger?





One Response to Saturday’s smiles

  1. Paul Scott says:

    And we still can’t find Guy Fawkes now we need him. Mind you I suppose getting so badly burned he doesn’t want to come back.


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