Saturday’s smiles

Mothers’ Dictionary:

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would like dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the babies don’t like what you’ve just fed them.

Full Name: What you call your children when you’re mad at them.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not bringing them up correctly.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we want them to.

Mud: An irresistible attraction.

Not me: The person responsible for whatever’s gone wrong and for putting it right.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Silence: Something you long for when you haven’t got it and worry about when you get it.

Sterilise: What you do to your first baby’s dummy by boiling it, and to your last baby’s dummy by spitting on it and wiping it with saliva.

Top Bunk: A place you should never put a child who’s wearing Superman pyjamas.

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

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