Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would like dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the babies don’t like what you’ve just fed them.
Full Name: What you call your children when you’re mad at them.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not bringing them up correctly.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we want them to.
Mud: An irresistible attraction.
Not me: The person responsible for whatever’s gone wrong and for putting it right.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Silence: Something you long for when you haven’t got it and worry about when you get it.
Sterilise: What you do to your first baby’s dummy by boiling it, and to your last baby’s dummy by spitting on it and wiping it with saliva.
Top Bunk: A place you should never put a child who’s wearing Superman pyjamas.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.