Saturday’s smiles

A major research institute has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. It has been tentatively named governmentium.

Governmentium has at least one neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75 assistant neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of at least 312.

These 312 or more atomic particles are surrounded by subatomic particles called morons, which are in turn surrounded by a vast number of
other subatomic particles called peons.

Governmentium has a half-life of three years.

It does not normally decay, but instead grows by undergoing reorganization, in which the neutron and/or some of the deputy neutrons, assistant neutrons and deputy assistant neutrons exchange places, and some morons become neutrons, deputies, assistants and/or assistant deputies, thus forming many isodopes.

Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

It is primarily observable in that it functions to impede every reaction with which it comes into contact.

In one observed instance a minute amount of governmentium caused a reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally
have taken less than a second.

Governmentium is difficult to distinguish from the element previously believed to be the heaviest, administratium.

Administratium is very similar but has slightly less mass, each atom having twice as many morons but only half as many peons.

Some scientists speculate that governmentium is formed whenever  morons reach a certain concentration. They refer to this hypocritical concentration as the critical morass.

They further speculate that governmentium, when catalysed with a sufficient quantity of revenue, radiates peons while accumulating more morons, and thus decays to form administratium

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