Saturday’s smiles

Crowd sourcing the weekly quiz has been educational and entertaining so I’m going to try the same for today’s joke.

I welcome your witty contributions.

4 Responses to Saturday’s smiles

  1. Name Withheld says:

    That can only mean that you respect my ability to present strong arguments

    I could put a stronger case for the other side by employing my debating skills.

    It would be entertaining to see me debating myself

    Well I laughed anyway……..quite hard.

  2. Andrei says:

    You know you are Russian Orthodox when…

    • You’re used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.

    • You can automatically subtract 13 days from today’s date.

    • On your first encounter with long words, you pronounce them stressing the ‘next to the next to last’ syllable.

    • You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards when you see him on TV.

    • You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you’ll be standing a long, long time.

    • To you, a ‘topless’ girl is one without a headscarf.

    • You get great deals on Christmas trees and Easter candy.

    • You spend time figuring out the best way to remove smoke stains from your ceiling.

    • When you see a shopping-mall Santa, your first instinct is to hold out your hands to get his blessing.

    • Before you pray, you say a prayer.

    • You don’t flinch when someone throws water at you.

    • You’re good at removing wax from your clothes.

    • When you go to the movies, you and your spouse sit on different sides of the theatre (and you both feel uncomfortable sitting down in public).

    • The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes late and lasts 2 ½ hours — and nobody around you complains.

    • You know you’re in an Orthodox church when the priest says, ‘Let us complete our prayer to the Lord’, and there’s still half an hour to go.

  3. Paranormal says:

    I was telling Daddy jokes at a family dinner last Saturday when my cynical 13 year daughter came up with:

    Why can’t you hear Pterodactyls going to the toilet?

    Because the pee is silent.

  4. Teletext says:

    A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there. The boss asked him, “Have you ever been a salesman before?”
    Yes, I was a salesman in the country” said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you when we close up.”
    The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o’clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”
    “One,” said the young salesman.

    “Only one?” blurted the boss, “most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?”
    “Five hundred thousand dollars,” said the young man.

    “How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.

    “Well,” said the salesman “this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.
    I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.”
    The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?”
    “No,” answered the salesman “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, ‘Your weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.'”

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