Saturday’s smiles

Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Quite frankly, I have no idea. Shall we discuss the issue over a succulent, lean steak dinner?

That came from Beef + Lamb NZ’s Facebook page.

It reminded me of an email a friend sent me which gave several other answers:

Marilyn Waring: That’s a really sexist question. If it was a man crossing the road no one would ask why he was doing it.

Rachel Hunter: It’s sad when you feel like you have to cross the road because the rooster is always after younger chicks.

Sean Fitzpatrick: Full credit to the chicken. It was a road of two halves and the chicken was the winner on the day.

Sam Hunt: So the chicken/crossed the road/ and also rode/ the cross. / Our nation’s boss/ the Southern Cross/ Now bears his/ PALTRY load.

John Campbell: And so, this chicken, it could be any chicken. Indeed a chicken of the people. And it crossed the road. Or so we all thought. It now seems that the whole story may have been a publicity stunt to boost interest in a new book that was published by the very same chook. Tonight on Checkpoint we investigate the crook chook cook book..

David Farrar: Let’s look at what the polls say about this chicken. . . .

Whaleoil: Let me show you how to shoot, pluck, gut and cook a chicken.

Cactus Kate: Don’t waste your time on a chicken that walks. If it had any ability it would fly. First Class.

Winston Peters: The people of New Zealand know I will not continue to sit idly by and let the media make unsubstantiated accusations about the chicken. Let me tell you that this matter will be fully tested in court and the people will have their say.

Metiria Turei: If there were more cycle lanes it would be much safer for chickens to cross the road and they wouldn’t waste fossil fuels doing it.

Tariana Turia: The chicken’s mana entitles it to cross the road whenever and wherever it wants.  Our chickens are not required to provide a reason for their actions. It’s time the rednecks stopped chicken-bashing.

Hone Harawira: – What gave the chicken the right to walk on a road that is built on our land?

Andrew Little: It’s with a sorry heart I say it, but if someone needs to be stiff-armed to allow more chickens to cross the road, then so be it.

Peter Dunne: It was the sensible thing to do.

David Seymour: Act will give all chickens vouchers for the education to enable them to choose what road they want to cross, and we’ll sort out the RMA so it’s easier to build roads for them to choose.

John Key: The chicken was ambitious. It wanted a brighter future and had to cross the road to get to it.

8 Responses to Saturday’s smiles

  1. Will says:

    Libertarians dream of the day when a chicken can cross the road without having her motives questioned.

  2. pdm says:

    HP – Iam wondering if the chicken was with the possum you were duelling with a few nights ago?

  3. D W Robinson says:

    Dave Kennedy : We need to move with some caution when there are often dangerous side effects from crossing roads that aren’t always apparent until proper trials are complete.
    Any road crossing research should be conducted responsibly and using the precautionary principle to avoid situations like the HT swede debacle.
    I think most teachers and schools feel that they haven’t been compensated for the stress and staff hours involved with traffic issues such as this. The $110 million cost to the taxpayer to fix Novopay could have done wonderful things for special needs children and safer road crossings at schools.
    NZEI has been pushing for a simplified road crossing model for some time. However similar complexity exists across many sectors, including health where you have a number of different professions trying to cross under one umbrella.. Building a plane while flying it across the road is not sound practice and this happens all too often (it also occurred with National Standards).
    The health and resilience of our economy, our people and our environment are the important stuff any government should have as overarching priorities. The National Party is approaching eight years in government and its record in these three key areas is not particularly good. Our rivers are becoming increasingly polluted, we have one of the lowest GHG reduction targets and almost 1/3 of our children are unable to cross roads safely.
    In 2011 the National Party promoted a major $11 billion investment into motorways despite no provision for pedestrian crossings.
    Farming is largely about killing animals isn’t it? The sheep industry thrives through that practice and most cows are killed well before their natural life span is reached when their milk production slows. So what if a few chickens cop it while crossing the road!
    Good Grief (TM)

  4. Dave Kennedy says:

    D W, well done 70% accuracy, I’m making progress😉 I also gave you a thumbs up for effort.

    Actually what i would have said (because we have hens), is:

    “Damn, Mabel’s got out again!”

    We have owned a number of hens with few issues but one current hen (Mabel) is regularly found exploring the world outside the coop. Admittedly she hasn’t crossed the road yet.

    Mr E would say: If you have to ask the question it just displays your ignorance. Anyone with farming experience will intuitively know the answer and as I have a masters degree in poultry management and behaviour I know exactly why the hen crossed the road. However, I aren’t going to tell you the answer.

  5. homepaddock says:

    PDM – I was concentrating on the possum so could well have missed seeing the chicken.

  6. Gravedodger says:

    Martyn Bradbury gave the chicken a good slapping for showing other chickens there was a better way.
    Chris trotter bemoaned the decline in state control that allowed a chicken such freedom.
    Catherine Delahunty claimed on Radio NZ that it was a male driver with (a) trust who threatened the chicken.
    Mike Hosking made roaming chickens an unjustified impediment to traffic movement in his editorial, closing with Katy’s Paleo diet rendering chickens non food.
    Gravedodger wants to shoot the apparently straying chicken with no earmarks or tags and make stock for winter soups.
    Phil Goff on being challenged as to ownership claimed to have owned a similar chicken during the forth Labour government but no Roger Richard or David involved.
    Dave Kennedy lost control of the argument after Mabel out smarted him again. Just maybe the choice of name gave a hint of trouble ahead, I hope she hasn’t been waving her knickers in the coop.
    David Cunliffe had “no comment” as Karen took all their chickens in the separation agreement she created.
    Gareth Morgan wanted all chickens destroyed as they compete with Kiwi for worms roots and leaves.
    Helen Clark wanted the Chicken to provide another feather for her cap.
    Assistant Speaker Trevor Mallard is accused of sending a scurrilous tweet casting a rather serious smear as to the Chickens age, subsequent tenderness and therefore fitness for purpose
    Prince Charles was appalled the chicken was in danger.
    David Carter told the chicken to cease clucking when he was on his feet or it would be asked to leave the chamber.
    Gerry Brownlee was accused of stuffing it under his kilt but no proof emerged.
    Nicky Kaye tried the same ploy but failed spectacularly.
    Steve Hansen and Gordon Tietjens both called on the chicken to return to club footy and work on its skills.
    Michelle Boag made an ill-advised attempt to persuade the chicken to run for mayor of Auckland but some personal past history created issues for the chicken with its involvement in Labour policy creation.
    Chris Hipkins wanted its Private Partnership Coop closed but forgot he needed to win something called an election as a first step.
    Winstons “cook” was mistaken for the chicken and got run down.

    Late Breaking news; Roadrunner was seen with the chicken, they were eating burgers in a road house, drinking a Marlborough Savignon Blanc and wondering what all the ruffled feathers were about.

  7. Mr E says:

    The chicken crossed the road because ultimately the chicken cared not for the implications.
    Same reason why the Greens drive across roads daily.

  8. Mr E says:

    A French rooster seeking like minded individuals crossed the road to join the Green Party.

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