You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet…
I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!
When I was a child I thought nap time was a punishment… now, as a grown up, it just feels like a reward.
The biggest lie I tell myself is… “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.