Saturday’s smiles

I was in a store that sells  sunglasses and only sunglasses. A young woman walked over  to me and asked :   “What brings you  in today?” I looked at her, and said: “I’m interested in  buying a refrigerator”.  She didn’t quite know how to respond.

I was  thinking about how a status symbol of today is those  cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or  purse. Or a blue tooth stuck in their ear I can’t afford one. So I’m wearing my garage door  opener.

I  thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age  and calling it ‘Pumping Rust’.

When  people see a cat’s litter box they always say, ‘Oh, have  you got a cat?’ Just once I  want to say, ‘No, it’s for company!’

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in  case of an emergency.    I think you should  write, ‘An  ambulance.’

Birds  of a feather flock together and then crap on your  car.

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have got to  be really good friends.

The  easiest way to find something lost around the house is  to buy a replacement.

Did you ever  notice: The Roman  for forty  is XL.

The sole  purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when  he’s really in trouble.

Did you ever  notice: When you put the 2 words ‘ The’  and  ‘ IRS ‘ together it  spells  ‘Theirs…’

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying  about your age and start bragging about  it.

Some  people try to turn back their personal odometers. Not me. I  want people to know why I look this way. I’ve travelled  a long way and some of the roads weren’t  paved.

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