I was in a store that sells sunglasses and only sunglasses. A young woman walked over to me and asked : “What brings you in today?” I looked at her, and said: “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator”. She didn’t quite know how to respond.
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. Or a blue tooth stuck in their ear I can’t afford one. So I’m wearing my garage door opener.
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it ‘Pumping Rust’.
When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, ‘Oh, have you got a cat?’ Just once I want to say, ‘No, it’s for company!’
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, ‘An ambulance.’
Birds of a feather flock together and then crap on your car.
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have got to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice: The Roman for forty is XL.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘ The’ and ‘ IRS ‘ together it spells ‘Theirs…’
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their personal odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve travelled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.