Saturday’s smiles

Is the glass half full or half empty?

The optimist: The glass is half full.

The pessimist: The glass is half empty.

The engineer: The glass is over-designed for the quantity of water.

The mathematician: The glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

The physicist: The glass is not empty at all – it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air – hence, fully filled on the whole.

The logician: Where the glass is in process of being filled then it is half full; where it is in the process of being emptied then it is half empty; and where its status in terms of being filled or emptied is unknown then the glass is one in which a boundary between liquid and gas lies exactly midway between the inside bottom and the upper rim, assuming that the glass has parallel sides and rests on a level surface, and where it does not then the liquid/gas boundary lies exactly midway between the upper and lower equal halves of the available total volume of said glass.

The Keynesian: The glass is half-empty, and the government needs to intervene to fill it up.

The monetarist: The glass will naturally tend to being full, and to interfere with it would result in an inefficient use of the contents, with some quite possibly being spilled and wasted.

The libertarian: Everyone should be free to make or purchase their own glass, fill it with what they like, to a level that suits, and see it as they please.

The politician: Under the last government the glass was half-empty, and becoming emptier, but thanks to my party’s leadership, the glass is definitely now half-full, and becoming fuller; but if the other party were to return to power, the glass would once again undoubtedly empty rapidly.

The Health and Safety officer: Before ascertaining if the glass is half-full or half-empty we need to identify all the hazards, undertake a full risk assessment, delegate the task to a competent and suitably trained person, and complete all necessary paperwork . . .

The realist: The glass contains half the required amount of liquid for it to overflow.

The contrarian: When everyone sees the glass half-empty, I see it half-full, and vice versa.

The agnostic: I accept both propositions to be neither true nor untrue until solid proof one way or the other becomes available.

The aesthete: Half-empty or half-full, volume, like beauty, can be in the eye of the beholder.

The pragmatist: I’d rather have a glass half-empty than no glass at all.

The stoic: Keep calm and drink on.

The opportunist: The glass had wine in it, I drank it.

The detective: Who drank the other half?

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