Saturday’s smiles

January 30, 2016

* A herd of cows was grazing in a field when two of them approached the water trough at the same time.

The first cow said, “Moo.”

The second said, “I was just going to say that.”

* What did the cow mime say?  

Udderly nothing.

* What’s a cow’s favourite moosical note?

Beef flat

  • How does a farmer count a herd of cows?

With a cowculator.

* What did the bored cow say when she woke up in the morning?

“It’s just an udder day”


Saturday soapbox

January 30, 2016

Saturday’s soapbox is yours to use as you will – within the bounds of decency and absence of defamation. You’re welcome to look back or forward, discuss issues of the moment, to pontificate, ponder or point us to something of interest, to educate, elucidate or entertain, amuse, bemuse or simply muse, but not abuse.
Sue Fitzmaurice, Author's photo.

The problem is not that there are problems. The problme is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem. – Theodore Rubin


January 30 in history

January 30, 2016

1018 – The Peace of Bautzen was signed between Poland and Germany.

1648 Eighty Years’ War: The Treaty of Münster and Osnabrück was signed, ending the conflict between the Netherlands and Spain.

1649 King Charles I of England was beheaded.

1661 Oliver Cromwell, was ritually executed two years after his death, on the anniversary of the execution of the monarch he himself deposed.

1790  The first boat specializing as a lifeboat was tested on the River Tyne.

1806 The original Lower Trenton Bridge (also called the Trenton Makes the World Takes Bridge), was opened.

1820 Edward Bransfield sighted the Trinity Peninsula and claimed the discovery of Antarctica.

1826 The Menai Suspension Bridge, considered the world’s first modern suspension bridge, connecting the Isle of Anglesey to the north West coast of Wales, opened.

1835 In the first assassination attempt against a President of the United States, Richard Lawrence attempted to shoot president Andrew Jackson, but failed and was subdued by a crowd, including several congressmen.

1841 A fire destroyed two-thirds of Mayagüez, Puerto Rico.

1847 Yerba Buena, California was renamed San Francisco.

1858 The first Hallé concert was given in Manchester marking the official founding of the Hallé Orchestra as a full-time, professional orchestra.

1862 The first American ironclad warship, the USS Monitor was launched.

1882  Franklin D. Roosevelt, 32nd President of the United States, was born (d. 1945).

1889 – Archduke Crown Prince Rudolf of Austria, heir to the Austro-Hungarian crown, was found dead with his mistress Baroness Mary Vetserain Mayerling.

1911 An amendment to the Gaming Act at the end of 1910 banned bookmakers from racecourses in New Zealand. Bookies were officially farewelled at the now defunct Takapuna racecourse.

Bookies banned from NZ racecourses

1911 The destroyer USS Terry (DD-25) made the first airplane rescue at sea saving the life of James McCurdy 10 miles from Havana.

1911 – The Canadian Naval Service became the Royal Canadian Navy.

1913 The House of Lords rejected the Irish Home Rule Bill.

1925 The Government of Turkey threw Patriarch Constantine VI out of Istanbul.

1929 Lucille Teasdale-Corti, Canadian surgeon and international aid worker, was born (d. 1945).

1930 Gene Hackman, American actor, was born.

1930 The world’s second radiosonde is launched in Pavlovsk USSR.

1931 Shirley Hazzard, Australian-born author, was born.

1933 Adolf Hitler was sworn in as Chancellor of Germany.

1937 Vanessa Redgrave, English actress, was born.

1941 – Dick Cheney, 46th Vice President of the United States, was born.

1945  World War II: The Wilhelm Gustloff, overfilled with refugees, sunk in the Baltic Sea after being torpedoed by a Soviet submarine, leading to the deadliest known maritime disaster, killing approximately 9,000 people.

1945  Raid at Cabanatuan: 126 American Rangers and Filipino resistance liberated 500 prisoners from the Cabanatuan POW camp.

1945 Hitler gave his last ever public address, a radio address on the 12th anniversary of his coming to power.

1947 Steve Marriott, English musician (Humble Pie, The Small Faces), was born  (d. 1991).

1948 – Indian pacifist and leader Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was assassinated by Nathuram Godse, a Hindu extremist.

1951 Phil Collins, English musician, was born.

1954 Queens Elizabeth II and the Duke of Edinburgh left New Zealand, bringing to an end the first tour by a ruling monarch.

Queen farewells New Zealand

1956 American civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr.‘s home was bombed in retaliation for the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

1960 The African National Party was founded in Chad through the merger of traditionalist parties.

1960 Lily Potter, (fictional character) Mother of Harry J. Potter and Member of The Order of the Phoenix, was born.

1962 King Abdullah II of Jordan, was born.

1964  Ranger 6 was launched.

1968 Prince Felipe of Spain, was born.

1969 The Beatles‘ last public performance, on the roof of Apple Records in London.

1971 Carole King’s Tapestry album was released, it became the longest charting album by a female solo artist and sold 24 million copies worldwide.

1972 Bloody Sunday: British Paratroopers killed 14 unarmed civil rights/anti internment marchers in Northern Ireland.

1972 Pakistan withdrew from the Commonwealth of Nations.

1979 Varig 707-323C freighter,  disappeared over the Pacific Ocean 30 minutes after taking off from Tokyo.

1982 Richard Skrenta wrote the first PC virus code, which was 400 lines long and disguised as an Apple boot programme called “Elk Cloner”.

1989 The American embassy in Kabul closed.

1994 Péter Lékó became the youngest chess grand master.

1995 Workers from the National Institutes of Health announced the success of clinical trials testing the first preventive treatment for sickle-cell disease.

1996 Gino Gallagher, the suspected leader of the Irish National Liberation Army, was killed while waiting in line for his unemployment benefit.

1996 – Comet Hyakutake was discovered by Japanese amateur astronomer Yuji Hyakutake.

2000 Off the coast of Ivory Coast, Kenya Airways Flight 431 crashed into the Atlantic  killing 169.

2003 – The Kingdom of Belgium officially recognised same-sex marriages.

2013 – Naro-1 became the first carrier rocket launched by South Korea.

Sourced from NZ History Online & Wikipedia.


Word of the day

January 29, 2016

Gongoozle  – to ogle, rubber-neck; leisurely watch the passage of boats, from the bank of a canal, lock or bridge; to stare idly at a watercourse and do nothing.


366 days of gratitude

January 29, 2016

My iPad slipped off my knee, I grabbed it and the screen went blue and wavy.

I turned it off and turned it back on but the screen was still blue and wavy.

I had to wait three days before the computer doctor was open and when I phoned them they said not only did they not treat iPads, as far as they knew no-one else in Oamaru did either.

However, they knew a reliable service centre in Christchurch and gave me the number to call.

That call met with the assurance they could usually fix blue, wavy screens and instructions to courier the iPad to them.

It was 10 days before I got it back during which I learned I could live without it, but I’m grateful I don’t have to.

I’m also grateful the lesson to treat electronic equipment more carefully came from damage and not a fatality.


Rural round-up

January 29, 2016

Hard to see where sheepmeat solution will come from – Allan Barber:

Not surprisingly farmers are dissatisfied with the state of the sheepmeat market. The impact of drought has brought about a near 20% increase in the kill for the first quarter in a season where the full year lamb kill is forecast to be 1.7 million lambs below last year.

Consequently this season, already characterised by a falling schedule, will come to an early finish. Meat processors will need to manage their capacity and seasonal plant closures very carefully if they are to avoid incurring unwanted costs. From the farmers’ point of view, uneconomic prices for lambs are accompanied by a lack of killing space for ewes, of which there are plenty waiting for capacity to free up. . . 

Another tough season ahead for farmers:

DairyNZ chief executive Tim Mackle says the on-farm cash income of farmers from all milk production this season will be under $4 per kgMS as a result of today’s news from dairy co-operative Fonterra that it is dropping its forecast Farmgate Milk Price to $4.15 per kgMS.

“That’s because some extra Fonterra payments for this season are shifting forward out of the 2015/16 season into 2016/17. Very little was carried over from 2014/15.

“This will have ongoing effects on farmers’ cashflows, their business equity and their ability to keep managing debt. The reduced milk price announcement today means our industry is facing a reduction in dairy revenues by around $800 million. That means $67,000 less in cash revenue for the average farm producing 150,000 kgMS. . . 

Farm scarce wildlife to take profits from poachers – Stephen Franks:

Cheaper DNA identification could soon end lucrative illegal trading in protected New Zealand wildlife. All it needs are some careful law changes. Maori could once again routinely feast on (farmed) kereru, without risk to wild populations.

Current law prohibits buying and selling threatened species. That is meant to prevent profiting from poaching. Illegal supply to meet legal commercial demand could strip wild breeding populations. But the prohibitions perversely increase the scarcity value that makes poaching lucrative.

Now DNA technology can cheaply and quickly identify the family of individuals in a population. It could tell which are descended from an authorised commercially bred line and which are from the wild population. . .

New Zealand wine exports reach record $1.5 billion high:

New Zealand wine exports have reached a new record high of $1.54 billion for the 2015 year, up 14% on 2014 according to New Zealand Winegrowers.

‘The new record level of wine exports is an outstanding achievement for New Zealand wine exporters and testifies to the strong global demand for our wines,’ said Philip Gregan, CEO of New Zealand Winegrowers.

New Zealand wine is exported to more than 90 countries, and is New Zealand’s 6th largest export good. . . 

Man plans tractor trek after wife’s death:

Ten vintage tractors will travel the length of New Zealand next month to raise awareness and money for Hospice New Zealand.

Auckland man Phil Aish came up with the idea after the death of his wife Janice 15 months ago.

The Tractor Trek will begin in Bluff on 22 February and end almost a month later on 18 March in Cape Reinga.

Mr Aish said some tractors had been bought in Southland and some were being freighted to Bluff before the big trip. . . 

Purple haze proves a hit – Sally Rae:

Blake Foster has contemplated putting a warning sign on State Highway 80 that reads ‘‘caution, purple distraction ahead”.

For visitors to the Mackenzie district can now stop and smell the lavender – all 99,000 or so plants of it.

Situated on the Mt Cook highway, New Zealand Alpine Lavender is the largest certified organic lavender farm in the southern hemisphere. . . 

Wool Eases Slightly:

New Zealand Wool Services International Limited’s C.E.O, Mr John Dawson reports that the combined North and South Island wool auctions saw targeted buying with some categories firm to slightly dearer and others marginally easier.

Of the 19,800 bales on offer 93.7 percent sold.

The weighted indicator for the main trading currencies remained similar to the last sale on 21th January, softening by 0.23 percent. . . 

Beef + Lamb New Zealand appoints new CEO:

Beef + Lamb New Zealand has appointed Sam McIvor as its new Chief Executive Officer. He will also have the role of CEO of the New Zealand Meat Board.

Beef + Lamb New Zealand Chairman James Parsons said McIvor is an experienced CEO who brings a range of strategic thinking and management experience to support both organisations’ work for sheep and beef farmers, and the broader sector.

McIvor is currently the Group General Manager Farm Operations at Ospri and he has held the roles of CEO Preston Corp Ltd and CEO of New Zealand Pork. . . 


Friday’s answers

January 29, 2016

Thank you Teletext and J Bloggs for posing the questions.

If you’ve stumped us all you can claim a virtual box of blackboy peaches by leaving the answers below.


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