Saturday’s smiles

Weight-loss diets are better for people wanting to gain weight than lose it but here are some rules which will make not losing weight more fun:

If you eat something and no one sees you, it has no calories.

If you eat sweets with a diet drink  the calories in the sweets are canceled out by the diet drink.

When you eat with other people, calories don’t count if the others eat more than you do.

Foods used for medicinal purposes don’t count, such as hot chocolate and  brandy.

Calories in food eaten while watching a film do don’t count because they are part of the entertainment package.

Broken bits of biscuits contain no calories. The process of breaking them causes calorie leakage.

Food picked or licked during  preparation don’t count because if the food is incomplete so are the calories.

Foods of the same colour have the same number of calories. For example: lettuce, spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Note: Chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other food colour.

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