Quote of the day

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

Today would have been our son Tom’s 28th birthday but he died at just 20 weeks as the result of a degenerative brain disorder, the cause of which has not been diagnosed.

Tolstoy is right and this quote reinforces my belief in the power of love.

It also reminds me that life after the death of Tom, and his younger brother Dan who had the same condition, is better not just in spite of their lives and deaths but also because of them.

Their deaths freed us to live as we couldn’t when we were caring for them but it is only because of what we learned from them that we truly appreciate that.

Their short lives and their multiple handicaps taught us to lose the ignorance and fear we had of disabilities.

They taught us that we are blessed by extended family and friends whose love and support provided so much when we needed it.

Our sons also taught us that good health and ability aren’t rights but privileges.

A lot of people tell me they couldn’t cope had they lost one child let alone two,

I answer that it would be throwing back the gifts our sons gave us if we didn’t make the most of all that they can’t.

Tolstoy’s quote speaks of the power of love and as Robert Fulgham reminds us in The Story Teller’s Creed, love is stronger than death.


4 Responses to Quote of the day

  1. Teletext says:

    Wonderful and very moving post Ele, I agree with you entirely.You get on with life but you never forget.


  2. Andrei says:

    Memory Eternal

    A day doesn’t go by when I don’t recall those whom I have lost that were close to me.

    To lose a child is a great grief, one I didn’t personally experience, though one of my sisters, like yourself, has buried two of her own.

    We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t ask why but the answer is hidden from us (for now at least).

    It is worth recalling. (since this is a Leo Tolstoy quote) that he had thirteen children, five of whom died before attaining adulthood and this was more or less par for the course in the times in which he lived and wrote – further exploratiion of implications of that belong elsewhere


  3. Paranormal says:

    You’re an inspiration Ele. Please accept a thank you.and an electronic hug.


  4. homepaddock says:

    Thank you. We were at a funeral of a friend today which reinforced the importance of family, friendship and love.

    Andrei, I’m very aware of the blessings of improved maternal and infant mortality rates. Had I lived in Tolstoy’s times our daughter and I would probably not have survived her birth.


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