Saturday’s smiles

An updated version of an old joke:

CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT GOVERNMENT:  You have two cows.  You keep one and give one to your neighbour.

SOCIALISM:  You have two cows.  The government takes one, gives it to your neighbour and taxes you both.

LIBERTARIAN:  You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?

LABOUR:  You have two cows.  Your neighbour has none.  You feel guilty for being successful.  You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.  The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel righteous.

COMMUNISM:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both, provides you with milk and taxes you to pay for the production and distribution.

FACISM:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

LEFT WING DEMOCRACY:  You have two cows.  The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

BUREAUCRACY:  You have two cows.  The government takes them both, puts one out to pasture, one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

CAPITALISM: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.  You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  One’s mad, the other is slightly peeved.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:  You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.  Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment and high bovine productivity, and arrest the journalist who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:  There are these two Jewish cows, right?  They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION:  Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN FARM: You have 200 cows. Business seems pretty good. You milk them and have a few beers to celebrate.

One Response to Saturday’s smiles

  1. Bulaman says:

    I thought the Australian one was.

    An Aussie farm has 2 cows.. The one on the left is Kinda cute

    Like

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