50 shades of red

Fire fighters in London are blaming Fifty Shades of Grey for an increase in the number of call-outs to release people trapped in handcuffs:

It is emergency calls that firemen are expected to answer, not embarrassing ones.

But thanks to the popularity of the erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, they are increasingly being called out to free people handcuffed to beds.

London Fire Brigade said it had turned out to 79 such incidents – and nine instances of men with rings stuck on their penises – and urged people ‘always keep the keys handy’.

Third officer Dave Brown, said: ‘Some of the incidents our firefighters are called out to could be prevented with a little common sense. 

‘I don’t know whether it’s the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up.

‘I’m sure most people will be fifty shades of red by the time our crews arrive to free them.’

There’s smouldering passion and burning with desire but I don’t think needing the fire brigade is the outcome intended when someone says, come on baby light my fire.

8 Responses to 50 shades of red

  1. Andrei says:

    I had to shake my head – I thought I was at Whaleoil for a moment there.

    It is hard to imagine anything less romantic than handcuffs – well that’s not quite true, I suppose.

    But constraining your “partner” to use that hideous modernism does not seem to me to be the essence of courtship.

  2. Viv K says:

    I presume Ele, that this post is meant as a distraction from the major media story of the day, that of the handing over of press gallery journalist Andrea Vance’s phone records to the Henry inquiry. Alastair Thompson at Scoop writes about it better than I could. Regular readers of your blog might like to read something a little less lurid and a bit more topical than this latest offering of yours.

  3. Viv K says:

    That’s at stuff.co.nz. Gordon Campbell writes at scoop.co.nz. Also a much better read than this post.

  4. Andrei says:

    To tell the truth Viv I was a little nonplussed at seeing this post here, it is not the customary fodder for this blog – slow news day from the rural perspective perhaps.

    But you theory as to it being a distraction from a more sinister matter?


    Does the stuff readership care about the Henry inquiry?

    It would seem not – the top items of interest as of when I post are these.

    ‘Baby moa’ spotted in woman’s garden
    Payout for man abandoned in police cell
    Sam Neill’s son-in-law assaulted bouncer
    Haunted by horror of mate’s plunge into sea
    The rise of bridal bikinis
    Hinewhare Harawira moons elderly crowd
    Assault on police officer shocks
    Reason: Time for Carter to give way to Cruden
    Christina’s dramatic weight loss

    The top one just might have made this blog as a curiosity story, As for the rest, well small things amuse small minds, though the thought of Hinewhare Harawira’s bared buttocks, apparently “a whakapohane directed at some of her whanaunga” does have a sort of morbid curiosity potential.

    Why the story that has got you excited is sinking in a slough of indifference I cannot say but perhaps the problem is that those who are pushing it just are not able to capture the public’s attention – perhaps they should try directing a whakapohane at the clerk of the house or something to engage the fickle public’s gaze their way.

  5. homepaddock says:

    There’s no conspiracy here. The story caught my eye as an example of human folly. For the record I haven’t read the book and don’t intend to. People whose opinion I value who have tell me it’s very badly written.

    There’s a post on the phone records under construction for later today.

  6. robertguyton says:

    Good on you, Ele. You’re entitled to post what ever takes your fancy. I’m looking forward to your ‘phone records’ post very much.

  7. Paranormal says:

    This post was a LOL moment in an otherwise very busy day. Thank you Ele.

  8. Mr E says:

    Agree Para. Good laugh. Thanks Ele.

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