Mothers aren’t fathers

A primary school cancelled a father-son bonding session after a solo mother demanded to be included.

Two “Band of Brothers” seminars were arranged by Matakana School to help fathers get more involved in their sons’ lives, and as a forum for dads to share their issues. One session was for dads and another was for fathers and sons.

A solo mum wanted to attend but was told she couldn’t because her presence would inhibit discussion. She was told a mother and son seminar was planned for later in the year.

“We really just wanted an opportunity for the guys to open up and chat, and they wouldn’t particularly want to do if there were females around – which I think is understandable,” said principal Darrel Goosen.

And what’s wrong with that?

Traditionally fathers have played a lesser hands-on role in their children’s lives than mothers.

It was his role to go out and earn a living, hers to stay home and nurture the family.

That has changed, men take a more active role in parenting, more women work outside the home.

But in many families the mother is still more likely to be more involved in parenting and many men still don’t have much time with their children.

That is a pity for fathers and their children and a school should be commended for trying to address that.

It wasn’t a parent-child bonding session, it was a father-son one.

Solo parents have a very difficult job but a mother isn’t a father.

16 Responses to Mothers aren’t fathers

  1. John Dobson says:

    This is a classic case of pandering to a minority; PC gone mad- the school should go ahead with the planned ‘band of brothers’ seminar


  2. Well said Ele, I was so angry and disappointed reading this article.


  3. Neil says:

    Another bloody stirrer trying to be different. Too many of these bloodsuckers around. Why can’t people focus on what is important in life.
    One of these stupid people that will probably vote….


  4. TraceyS says:

    So if a transgender individual had turned up, how would they have dealt with that, I wonder. At our last school we had a boy with two Dads, one used to be his Mum. Which Dad would he be allowed to take?

    There are numerous situations I can think of that would make the men present less willing to open up. Remember that was the reason for excluding women – that men might not talk with a woman around. Just one woman! Goodness, gracious have men become that soft?

    I have no problem with a *mainly* men and boys event. But the organisation of an exclusive event based on gender is no different to an event organised along racial lines. You can organise an event to appeal to one sector of the community but can’t exclude people based on gender, race, etc.

    The men in this situation have given an extreme amount of power to one woman and made it worse by talking to the media and making a big deal out of it. They need to man-up in my opinion. The manly thing to do would have been to go ahead with the event and make damn sure that one woman’s presence didn’t railroad the thing.

    Anyone who believes that men are not up to that challenge has a dim view of men.


  5. Andrei says:

    At our last school we had a boy with two Dads, one used to be his Mum.

    No you didn’t, you cannot have two dads or two moms, everybody gets exactly one of each – you had a mentally ill woman who was pretending to be a man and who had quite probably mutilated herself as well as taking drugs that will shorten her sad life to aid in this self deception.

    Now you might wonder why so many men are shirking their parental responsibilities, why more than thirty percent of children have the State picking up the tab that the biological father has neglected.

    And this crap has a lot to do with it because at its heart it is penis envy and the way around it is to undermine masculinity and male role models and as in this case sabotage every initiative undertaken to reinforce strong paternal values and roles as has happened here.



  6. TraceyS says:

    What has happened here is no more than an error of judgement on the part of organisers.

    By all means it would be fine (I think) to organise a private father and sons event and to send named personal invites to just boys and their fathers. Anyone who didn’t get an invite would not have any right to attend.

    But here it appears to have been a public event. You can’t organise a public event and then exclude attendees on the basis of sex, marital status, religious belief, ethical belief, colour, race, disability, age, political opinion, employment status, or family status. This will be the primary reason why they had to abandon the event – they screwed up.

    Sure, if the woman had a track record of throwing rotten tomatoes at presenters or making embarrassing or inappropriate comments then she could be excluded for those reasons. But those weren’t the reasons. The reason was her gender. I hope you aren’t suggesting Andrei, that those, by virtue of having a penis, are somehow above the laws of this country?

    Here the event organisers screwed up by thinking they could do this, or maybe just didn’t think about it in advance. Now they are whingeing to the media about how one woman was to blame. Sad indeed and shows no respect for the boy at the centre of it. Imagine how HE must be feeling now.


  7. Andrei says:

    I hope you aren’t suggesting Andrei, that those, by virtue of having a penis, are somehow above the laws of this country?

    Don’t be ridiculous, absurd actually – my girls at about 12 years old attended a series of things with their mother about puberty put on by the school.

    Did I or would any other normal male get offended by the fact that these were girls only things? Of course not, it is highly appropriate that these events are female only but of course whining about exclusion is a female trait and when wimmin don’t get their way they have little tanties and wreck whatever it is they feel excluded from


  8. R Ellis says:

    Reblogged this on Concise Comment and commented:
    One of the biggest unmet needs today is for sons to have good relationships with their fathers. Here is a group trying to do something about it and this is what happens. Is it PC madness or did I miss something?


  9. TraceyS says:

    And were these things your wife and daughters attended publicly advertised, perhaps even school fundraising events – or something more discreet? Would anyone have made a song and dance about it in the media if a brave Dad had happened to turn up because he was his girl’s sole caregiver and needed to learn about ‘girl stuff’ in order to help his daughter?

    I can see the headlines now, “Solo Dad gate-crashes period talk with teenage daughter”.

    My comment was no more absurd than your “penis envy” statement.

    That was really, really, absurd.

    Schools can discriminate based on age. They cannot discriminate based on sex or family status. It’s the law even if you don’t agree.


  10. TraceyS says:

    “Band of Brothers Seminars

    Presented by Tony Mordaunt

    Attention: All Dads

    If you have a boy this seminar is
    for you!

    Matakana School is hosting the first
    of two “Band of Brothers” seminars
    as part of a special focus on boys
    and the role sport can play in
    keeping them engaged and
    connected to learning. No cost
    involved, pizza for dinner included.
    Please RSVP to the School Office…”

    Click to access Matakana%20School%20Newsletter%20Issue%208%20-%2027%20May%202013.pdf

    Does that sound like a boys’ puberty talk to you Andrei? Maybe only men can read that meaning into the above.

    We have a boy. His father and I are desperate to help him keep engaged and connected to learning. If his Dad couldn’t go (highly likely), then I would fully expect to be able to go in his place to an event like this. Nowhere does the advert say “Dads only”.

    I think you’ve been completely sucked in by the media spin.


  11. Andrei says:

    Interesting from your link

    Pizza with the Principal
    Congratulations to the following students who were chosen by their teacher to enjoy “Pizza with the Principal” this
    Caitlin S (Rm1), Olivia K (Rm2) Grace H (Rm3), Abbie L (Rm4), Dakota H (Rm 5), Joe M (Rm6),
    Tamsin G (Rm7), Kyuss S (Rm8), Emma N (Rm9), Isla H (Rm10), Lucy D (Rm11), Eva S (Rm12),
    Alexa M (Rm15) Proudly sponsored by The Stables Restaurant Matakana

    What do you notice about this Tracey?


  12. TraceyS says:

    You being petty, that’s what I notice.

    “Confine not your children to your own understanding, for they were born in a different time”.

    I hope that you find something in that message Andrei.



  13. Andrei says:

    “Confine not your children to your own understanding, for they were born in a different time”.

    I hope that you find something in that message Andrei.

    Love a good bogus quote in the morning – a reminder of how our over credentialed elites are anything but educated or particularly intelligent.

    No that is not “an old Hebrew saying”


  14. TraceyS says:

    The quote didn’t particularly resonate with me. But it was interesting I think in that it reflects some of the truth here.

    Our kids are growing up in a different time, without a doubt. There are all sorts of family structures now. It is not just Mum, Dad, three kids and a dog anymore. You wish it to be different, Andrei, but that does not change the reality of the present.

    I am surprised that you took the sob story in the media at face-value. But it suited your world-view the way it was reported. You (and many others) need delve no further.

    The school’s board of trustees meeting minutes recorded the planned event as “Dads only”. Yet the advertisement in their newsletter doesn’t communicate that this was an event exclusively for Dad’s and boys. Upon reading the newsletter, it is easy to appreciate how the mother concerned might expect she would be welcome to go along with her boy.

    “Attention All Dads” – Oh my boy doesn’t have a Dad – I’ll go instead.

    “If you have a boy this seminar is for you!” – Yep I have a boy, this seminar is for me.

    Schools are obliged to communicate properly with parents and caregivers. That includes everyone, not just model families.


  15. Andrei says:

    There are all sorts of family structures now.

    Self indulgent twaddle

    Every child has exactly one FATHER (male) and exactly one MOTHER (female) and it is best for all, but in particular that child. if these two work together and in harmony to raise that child and his or her siblings to adulthood.


  16. TraceyS says:

    Some people live with very little harmony Andrei. Unfortunately. Like one wee boy who stayed with us whose Dad was in prison. Pretty hard to work together in that situation. It would be even harder to attend a father-son bonding talk (which in this case aimed to use sport in helping kids stay interested). In a most ironic twist, this is exactly the kind of kid who would benefit most from such a session (even if he had to take his mother substitute). And in ten years time my kids and I and the wider community and even the taxpayer at large might also benefit by him having attended.

    Being a husband and wife parenting couple is a very worthy choice. It is my choice. We try to live harmoniously, my husband and I. But working as a team raising children in these times is certainly very often anything but harmonious! Even after 25 years (and counting) as a team in life, work and family. Not everyone makes it that far for all sorts of reasons. There are relationship choices and people are free to exercise them. Few make perfect choices. But I will respect anyone for trying as long as it is legal.

    One point I’d like to make regarding equality is this. Given equal status in a relationship a woman will try to make all the decisions. She WILL make all the decisions if a man lets her. The good news is he doesn’t have to let her. There are no laws saying that men have to lay down and let themselves be dominated by women. It is not “PC” to let yourself be dominated whoever you are.

    Look at the nominations for Matakana School Board of Trustees election.

    Five out of six are men. And a male Principal. That should give you hope. If that one female member (assuming elected) ends up running the show then the men can cry “PC nonsense” but they will have only themselves to blame.


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