United Nations pest control staff are denying reports of a rat infestation.
“We heard rumours last week of a sinking ship and the possibility rats would be leaving it but we have no reasons to believe that poses any danger to us.
“Our intelligence noted the ship appeared to be rudderless and having trouble with navigation. There were also reports of intense debate among the crew about whether to go to port or starboard.
“Then we heard yesterday there’d been a rearrangement of deck chairs which further threatens its stability.
“However, a former captain of the vessel who works for us tells us none of this is unusual and it’s time to move on.”
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