Only 5/10 in Stuff’s Biz Quiz.
Prompted by this week’s news that Gareth Morgan’s war on cats has extended to SPCA staff:
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
Did you hear about the cat which drank five bowls of water? She set a new lap record.
What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he’s in a bad mewd.
What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t? Your lap.
Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark.
How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.
How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream.
What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.
A friend died last weekend.
At his funeral yesterday we heard of many accidents and escapades which could have cost him his life, but like a cat with nine, he survived.
One of those left him in a coma which he wasn’t expected to survive. When he came round he had multi disabilities but he overcame them, learned to walk and talk again and the only long-term impact was a tendency to slur his words.
However, his death was the result of another accident and as no-one knew exactly where he was working it took Search and Rescue a long time to find him.
There are several lessons to be learned from this life cut short.
The biggest is that we all have only one life.
Saturday’s soapbox is yours to use as you will – within the bounds of decency and absence of defamation.
You’re welcome to look back or forward, discuss issues of the moment, to pontificate, ponder or point us to something of interest, to educate, elucidate or entertain, to muse or amuse.
632 The Last Sermon (Khutbah, Khutbatul Wada’) of Prophet Muhammad.
1455 Traditional date for the publication of the Gutenberg Bible, the first Western book printed from movable type?
1660 – Charles XI became King of Sweden.
1739 – Richard Palmer was identified at York Castle by his former schoolteacher, as the outlaw Dick Turpin.
1744 – Mayer Amschel Rothschild, German-born banker, was born (d. 1812).
1820 – Cato Street Conspiracy: A plot to murder all the British cabinet ministers was exposed.
1836 – The Battle of the Alamo began in San Antonio, Texas.
1840 Frederick Wicks, English author and inventor, was born (d. 1910).
1850 César Ritz, Swiss hotelier, was born (d. 1918).
1854 The official independence of the Orange Free State was declared.
1887 French Riviera was hit by a large earthquake, killing around 2,000.
1903 Cuba leased Guantánamo Bay to the United States “in perpetuity”.
1904 940,000 hectares of west Southland were permanently reserved for what became Fiordland national park.
1905 Chicago attorney Paul Harris and three other businessmen met for lunch to form the Rotary Club, the world’s first service club.
1909 The AEA Silver Dart made the first powered flight in Canada.
1917 First demonstrations in Saint Petersburg. The beginning of the February Revolution.
1918 First victory of Red Army over the Kaiser’s German troops near Narva and Pskov. In honor of this victory, the date has been celebrated from 1923 onward as “Red Army Day”; it was renamed Defender of the Fatherland Day after the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, and is colloquially known as “Men’s Day”.
1919 Benito Mussolini formed the Fascist Party in Italy.
1934 Léopold III became King of Belgium.
1940 100,000 people welcomed home HMS Achilles, the ship involved in the Batte of the River Plate, the Allies first naval victory in WWII.
1940 Peter Fonda, American actor, was born.
1944 The Soviet Union began forced deportation of the Chechen and Ingush people from the North Caucasus to Central Asia.
1945 During the Battle of Iwo Jima, a group of United States Marines and a U.S. Navy Corpsman, reached the top of Mount Suribachi on the island and were photographed raising the American flag. The photo won a Pulitzer Prize and became the model for the national USMC War Memorial.
1945 The 11th Airborne Division, with Filipino guerrillas, freed the captives of the Los Baños internment camp.
1945 Manila, was liberated by American forces.
1945 Capitulation of German garrison in Poznań.
1945 The Verona Philharmonic Theatre was bombed by Allied forces.
1947 The International Organization for Standardization (ISO) was founded.
1955 First meeting of the Southeast Asia Treaty Organization (SEATO).
1957 The founding congress of the Senegalese Popular Bloc was opened in Dakar.
1958 Cuban rebels kidnapped 5-time world driving champion Juan Manuel Fangio.
1960 Naruhito, Crown Prince of Japan, was born.
1966 In Syria Baath party member Salah Jadid led an intra-party military coup that replaced the previous government of General Amin Hafiz, also a Baathist.
1969 Michael Campbell, New Zealand golfer, was born.
1981 Antonio Tejero attempted a coup d’état by capturing the Spanish Congress of Deputies.
1983 Emily Blunt, British actress, was born.
1991 Ground troops crossed the Saudi Arabian border and entered Iraq, starting the ground phase of the Gulf War.
1998 – Tornadoes in central Florida destroyed or damaged 2,600 structures and killed 42.
1998 – Osama bin Laden published a fatwa declaring jihad against all Jews and “Crusaders”; the latter term is commonly interpreted to refer to the people of Europe and the United States.
1999 Kurdish rebel leader Abdullah Öcalan was charged with treason in Ankara.
1999 An avalanche destroyed the Austrian village of Galtür, killing 31.
2005 n Slovakia, a two-day “Slovakia Summit 2005” took place between U.S. President George W. Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin.
2005 The French law on colonialism was passed, requiring teachers to teach the “positive values of colonialism”.
2007 – A train derailed on an evening express service near Grayrigg, Cumbria, killing one person and injuring 22.
2008 A United States Air Force B-2 Spirit crashed on Guam, the first operational loss of a B-2.
2010 – Unknown criminals poured more than 2.5 million litres of diesel oil and other hydrocarbons into the river Lambro, in Northern Italy, causing an environmental disaster.
Sourced from NZ History Online & Wikipedia.