No Missionaries

GoNZo Freakpower wonders if a sign saying No Missionaries will keep unwanted people from his place the way a No Junk Mail sign keeps unwanted rubbish from his mailbox.

If it doesn’t he could follow the example of a friend who keeps a Bible reading by the door and quotes it at anyone who calls on a mission to convert her to their brand of religion.

Or he could try tears – it worked for me.

Our baby son and I had been home for only a couple of days after his eventful first couple of weeks of life during which he’d stopped breathing several times and had multiple seizures when we had to return to hospital.

My farmer and I decided it would be better if I drove down to Dunedin myself so I could keep the car down there. It seemed like a good idea until he went to the stock sale with our daughter leaving me at home alone.

A few minutes later some religious peddlers knocked on the door.

When I opened it they asked how I was. I said, “My baby’s dying,” and burst into tears.

They took one horrified look at me and fled.

I admire missionaries who do practical good but have never understood those who only preach. This experience reinforced my prejudice – if they’d taken their faith seriously they would have offered to help.

6 Responses to No Missionaries

  1. It seems the biggest Jesus Freaks are the ones who run at the sight of dead babies.

    A mate of mine’s missus suffered a stillbirth and his church (Catholic) was austere and distant when he sought solace. He ended up in another denomination with a more supportive culture.


  2. Paranormal says:

    When I was still living at home (before I was cruelly ripped from my mothers loving arms by an uncaring wife ;-)) we used to have fun trying to see off the missionaries.

    I initially told them we were devil worshipers, but that only seemed to encourage them. We had some indepth theological discussions (thanks again to my old divinity teacher..) then I mentioned I was a medium and talked to Spirit ” – oh by the way there’s someone standing next to you” got the best reaction. They actually ran off the property.

    When I eventually told them we were Catholic (we’re not) that seemed to scare them off permanently.


  3. David Winter says:

    It turns out that explaining that you’re an evolutionary biologist is a good way to make Jehovah’s Witnesses make an about turn, though I did take their creationist pamphlet for a laugh.


  4. Raymond A Francis says:

    I gather they feel they are spreading THE GOOD WORD and have used quite a few of the above methods to send them off
    Now I just say I am not interested


  5. Andrei says:

    For what its worth


  6. homepaddock says:

    Will – it’s not fair to damn a whole church on one experience.

    Paranormal, David & Ray – I’ve found saying I’m Presbyterian usually gets a similar response.

    Andrei – “. . . in so much as you have done to one of the least, you have done unto me.”


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