During his speech at our wedding breakfast, my farmer said that if my mother treated him as well as she treated the milkman he’d have no complaints.
He then went on to explain that he’d seen her taking empty milk bottles out of the oven. When he asked why, she’d explained that was to make sure they were properly dry so the milkman didn’t have to contend with dribbles when he tipped out the tokens.
Does anyone still get milk deliveries? No-one does them in our part of the world now, but when they did they must have enjoyed getting notes like these:
Dear Milkman, I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.”
“Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.”
“Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.”
“Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.”
“Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it”
“Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.”
“Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.”
“Sorry about yesterday’s note. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.”
My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle.”
“From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays
when I don’t want any milk.”
“Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday…or is it today ?”
“No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.”