Trust ’em – yeah right

October 30, 2008

From the creative genius at goNZo Freakpowere


Standing ovation from 1000 in Southland

October 30, 2008

John Key got a standing ovation from 1000 people  at the Invercargill Working Men’s Club last night.

National’s Eric Roy won the Invercargill electorate in 2005. He’s worked hard, is very good with people, even his opponents admit he’s a honey and the boundary changes which take the seat north to the outskirts of Mataura and west (or is it south?) to Riverton favour him so he should have no trouble retaining the seat.

eric_writing.gif

I love being a writer.  What I can’t stand is the paperwork

However, Eric’s personal popularity – 15, 570 votes was greater than that for his party and Labour won thae party vote with support from 14,369 people compared with 12,559 who voted for National.

The standing ovation from a near capacity audience is a good sign that the party vote may have grown in the city.

However, I’m not sure whether to be further encouraged by the news that Winston Peters could only attract around 80 people to a meeting at the same venue earlier in the day. That’s only 8% of the numbers who came to hear John, but he needs only 5% support to stay in parliament.

Hat Tip: Roarprawn


Clark tumbles

October 30, 2008

It hasn’t been helen Clark’s day.

First she’s had to dodge the fallout from the “neutron bomb” which turned into a fizzer and backfired on Labour, then she took a tumble in a shopping mall.

It was an unfortunate accident and she wasn’t hurt, but, like Don Brash’s plank walking, it’s not the sort of shot she’d want the media to have in their libraries when they’re looking for a photographic metaphor for her political fortunes.


Melamine fears in Bangladesh milk

October 30, 2008

Milk powder from eight companies, including Fonterra’s Anlene brand, has been seized from shops in Bangladesh after labratory tests found traces of melamine in samples.

Independent tests conducted by the Bangladesh Standards and Testing Institution and Plasma Plus had found its brands contained no traces of melamine, a Fonterra spokesman said.

But a third independent test by a Bangladesh agency found traces of melamine in all eight dairy brands.

As a result, samples of all eight brands have been sent to two further laboratories for independent testing.

“We are confident that none of our products in Bangladesh contain melamine,” said the Fonterra spokesman.

Both Fonterra and New Zealand’s Food Safety Authority have conducted a range of tests across eligible dairy products.

All had produced negative results, the company said.


Breaking news: shock resignation

October 30, 2008

National leader John Key has resigned and withdrawn his party from the election.

 

In a shock announcement today, he admitted that he simply didn’t have what it takes to be Prime Minister.

 

“This hasn’t been an easy decision for me but after a close examination of the government’s response to recent events I’ve been forced to admit that a couple of decades of hard work in the real world haven’t equipped me to steer the ship of state through the rough economic seas,” he said.

 

“I thought that the skills and abilities which enabled me to succeed in business and my personal life and all I’ve learned from that would be enough. But I’ve been studying Helen Clark and realise I simply don’t have what it takes to do the job.

 

“I made a real mistake gaining international business and leadership experience when I should have been devoting myself to academia and politics at home.

 

“If I’d done that I’d have understood that winning an election and governing the country aren’t about looking forward and having a sound, costed plan to provide the economic foundation on which to build a better educated, healthier and more secure society where success is valued, independence is encouraged and environmental protection and enhancement are measured by results not slogans.

 

“I admit that’s what I thought was needed but I was obviously wrong because everyone says Helen Clark is a consummate politician and she’s not doing any of that.

 

“She’s looking backwards, dropping irresponsible and un-costed promises like confetti at a wedding, getting sidetracked by soap operas and muckraking. And I know this is a sign of weakness but I haven’t got what it takes to do that.

 

“I thought it would help to bring honesty, integrity and principles to the office of Prime Minister but a close scrutiny of the incumbent and her behaviour have shown that those things would be liabilities.

 

“She’s made it obvious that what you need is a complete lack of scruples; the will to surrender dearly held principles for political gain; to prostitute yourself to anyone who’ll help you cling to power; the ability to lie through your teeth and anyone else’s; and the gall to deny any knowledge of muckraking even though your hands are covered in mud.

 

“When it comes down to it I just don’t have the stomach for that. I wouldn’t be able to get up every morning, look myself in the mirror then face my family and try to explain to them that it didn’t matter what was happening to New Zealand and its people as long as I was in charge.

 

Mr Key said while he took full responsibility for his decision he also felt he’d been let down by his party hierarchy.

 

“When I suggested Judy [Kirk, National Party president] might dig into old university records to prove that Helen Clark once split an infinitive in an essay she said she had an election to win and wasn’t going to waste her time on inventing dirty kites that wouldn’t fly.

 

Mr Key made the announcement at a media conference at which he handed the election to Labour in a second hand recycled hemp hand basket.

 

He said he’d chosen it himself and had taken great care to ensure it would be acceptable to the Green Party which would be the new government’s dominant coalition partner.


Can you hide it from your husband?

October 30, 2008

I had a bugger-moment yesterday – and I was driving a Toyota at the time.

I was running late but as I rushed out the door I saw a large truck parked in the drive where I normally reverse on leaving the garage.

I started carefully, then noticed a couple of blokes in the truck, put the window down to say “hello, sorry I’m late, can’t stop” and took off again taking care so I didn’t hit the tree on the left and . . .  yes I hit the truck on the right.

One of the blokes leapt out of the truck to inspect the damage which, because I was going slowly, was minimal – broken light cover and a bit of a scratch. 

But what intrigued me was his question: “Can you hide it from your husband?”

Why would I do that?

My farmer’s known me for 27 years and we’ve been married for 25. This isn’t the first time I’ve done something stupid, it may not be the last and if our marriage couldn’t survive honesty about such things it would be a very sorry indictment on our relationship.


Fireworks restrictions racist?

October 30, 2008

The Marlborough Express  laments the tight restrictions on the sale of fireworks prevents the Indian adding a sparkle to their Diwali festival.

Surely it’s racist to allow the sale of fireworks to enable people to mark Guy Fawkes, a celebration from one imported culture, and not Diwali, a festival from another?


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