Saturday’s smiles

September 20, 2008

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven.  Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.

“I’m sorry,” St Peter said; “But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.”

“That’s cool” said the blonde, “What does the Entrance Exam consist of?”

“Just three questions” said St Peter.

“Which are?’ asked the blonde.

“The first,” said St Peter,”is, which two days of the week start with the letter T?”

The second is “How many seconds are there in a year?”

The third is “What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?”

“Now,” said St Peter, “Go away and think about those questions and when I
call you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.”

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought.

The following morning, St Peter called the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, “I have.”

“Well then,” said St Peter, “Which two days of the week start with the letter T?”

The blonde said, “Today and Tomorrow.”

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the
answer could be applied to the question.

“Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?”
St Peter went on, “how many seconds in a year?”

The Blonde replied, “Twelve!”

“Only twelve?” exclaimed St Peter, “How did you arrive at that figure?”

“Easy,” said the blonde, “there’s the second of January, the second of
February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve
seconds.”

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, “I need some time to consider your
answer before I can give you a decision.” And he walked away shaking his
head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. “I’ll allow the answer
to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely
correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the
name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?”

The blonde replied: “Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to
answer.”

“Really!” exclaimed St Peter, “And what is the answer?”

“It’s Andy.”

“Andy??”

“Yes, Andy,” said the blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating
the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning
to the blonde, asked “How in God’s name did you arrive at THAT answer?”

“Easy” said the blonde, “Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til while his billy
boiled.”

And the blonde entered Heaven…


Style beats fashion

September 20, 2008

Is there any other industry which treats its customers as badly as the fashion one?

They design clothes which suit a tiny, in terms of both number and size, minority of women and in doing so fail the majority of their would-be customers. 

If you regard fashion as art, the unusual and often unattractive creations which are modelled on the cat walk may be of interest. But if you’re looking for real clothes for real life which fit well, suit you and and are practical and comfortable you’re unlikely to find them there or in the many pages of glossy magazines devoted to fashion.

It’s not very easy to find them in retail outlets either because most don’t realise what this billboard points out:

 

 

There are 3,000 million women in the world and only eight are super models. 

But there’s a little glimmer of hope that maybe they’re realising that healthy women have breasts, hips, and bums; and that the majority are considerably bigger than many for whom most of the clothes are designed.

The standard size of a model at Fashion Week is just 8, but today  plus size models  will be sashaying down the cat walk in clothes which go up to size 24.

It’s easy to look good when you’re young and slim. But when time and gravity have taken their toll if you want clothes that flatter it’s better to forgo fashion and opt for style.

In related posts Karl du Fresne asks: Celebration or Degredation? and Stargazer at The Hand Mirror  writes on being out of fashion.


GST petition doomed

September 20, 2008

A petition to have GST removed from food is doomed to fail regardless of how many people sign it.

Both Labour and National oppose the idea and for very good reasons.

A good tax might be an oxymoron but a simple tax is better and GST is simple. Once you start introducing exceptions it gets complicated and expensive for retailers, customers and ultimately the government.

Unlike reducing personal taxes which would stimulate economic growth, taking GST from food adds costs and reduces revenue.

There are many reasons why people can’t afford food, the most serious of which is not earning enough to meet their needs.

Other reasons include inadequate knowledge of how to buy and cook nutritious food cheaply, poor or no budgeting, having the wrong priorities and too much debt.

None of these would be solved by taking GST off food.


Future in the past

September 20, 2008

They’re not old by world standards but Oamaru’s Victorian buildings are pretty ancient history for New Zealand.

Scott Elliffe sees future opportunities in the town’s past and has a proposal for a new heritage tourism venture Inside Victorian Oamaru.

Scott has a track record in heritage tourism. He was manager of Totara Estate  and set up Living History.


Ga ga in La La Land

September 20, 2008

The ODT opines:

To what we can ascribe the calumnies of logic that this week broke out like a rash on the face of credulity is something of a mystery.

Three incidents occupy separate spheres of lunacy, linked only by the extravagance of their irrationality, and yet their coincidence demands to be met if not with reason – for reason is nowhere to be found in their orbit – then with some other explanation.

It is suspected that such a narrative belongs not of this world but of that other ethereal place called “La-La Land”, where much more likely to hold sway than sound argument or rational thought are the shifting of the seasons, the phases of the moon, or the alignment of the planets.

And the three incidents which have led to this conclusion are:

Black Power’s treaty claim:

This lunatic demand fits comfortably into the well-recognised “howling at the moon” category . . .

Michael Cullen’s linking John Key with global financial melt-down:

This kind of hyperbole belongs in the Ga-Ga school of political discourse, commonly to be found being rehearsed within the classrooms of La-La Land.

And:

Monday’s sale through Sotherby’s Auction House in London, of art dressed up as stuffed formaldehyde-drenched animals – specimens that once might have fetched a few bob as laboratory curiosities – achieved $NZ200 million for their owner.


On song but off key

September 20, 2008

The ODT reports that Winston Peters was on song when speaking at the Unviersity of Otago yesterday.

They didn’t add that he’s singing the wrong words, out of tune with reality and definitely off key (and Key).


49 more sleeps . . .

September 20, 2008

. . . until the election and Labour’s promising complusion while National’s offering choice.


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