David Cunliffe walked into a bank to cash a cheque, went up to a cashier and said, “Good morning, Ma’am, could you please cash this cheque for me?”
Cashier:” I’d be happy to sir. Could you please show me your ID?”
Cunliffe: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am David Cunliffe, leader of the Labour Party and the Parliamentary Opposition.”
Cashier:” Yes sir, I know who you look like, but with all the new regulations and monitoring of banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of legislation, I must insist on seeing ID.”
Cunliffe: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
Cashier: “I am sorry, Mr. Cunliffe , but these are the bank’s rules and I must follow them.”
Cunliffe: “Now c’mon, I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque.”
Cashier: “Look Mr. Cunliffe, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Lydia Ko came into our branch without ID. To prove she was Lydia, she pulled out her putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew it was Lydia and cashed her cheque.
“Another time, Kiri Te Kanawa came in without ID. She sang Hine E Hine for us. On the strength of that we accepted she was Kiri and cashed her cheque.
“So, Mr. Cunliffe , what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?”
Cunliffe stood there, like a stunned mullet, thinking, and thinking, and finally said, “Honestly, my mind is a total blank…there is nothing that comes to my mind…………… I can’t think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do, I don’t have a clue . . .”
Cashier: “Will that be large or small notes, Mr. Cunliffe