Wishing for the wit to write like this

Oh how I wish I had the wit to write like this:

. . . It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant,  despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate. I was furling my wieldy  umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a  descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her  clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way. I wanted desperately to meet  her, but I knew I’d have to make bones about it, since I was travelling cognito.  . .

Hat Tip: Raymond Huber

 

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